#Metoo

She could smell payasam here at her room

“Amu, take this and give this to him”

Her mother called.

After that I can have too,  she thought 

She dashed to the kitchen 

Singing, she jumped each stair to him

He opened the door swiftly, as if 

 Waiting for her to ring the bell

She gave him the dish, which he took 

And called her inside, which she did

She stood there and looked around

Same as her flat, but hers was prettier

She smiled 

And turned to leave

But to a closed door

He stood near her, very near

Without giving space to breathe


"BREATH"

"SCREAM"

"MOM"

She ran down five minutes later

Scrubbed and rinsed from head to toe 

Tearing her lips and cheeks ...

“Amu, come and have payasam”

Her mother called.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

20 years later, Amu shed tears for that 9-year-old who met a monster while typing #Metoo  

I’m participating in the Write Tribe Problogger October 2017 Blogging Challenge through October. #WriteBravely

Today’s Prompt – “Monster.”

Break Some Rules.

Have you ever thought, “Hell No, I’m done with these rules!”? I have.

Plenty of times.

Two days ago I was talking about the same with a friend of mine about how I am with some rules and restrictions that tags along with them.  I am not a person or never being one of them who could break rules just like that even when I have such an image.

Initially, I try to obey them, then when the rules starts to choke me, I bend them a bit to have that air space and finally when I’m breathless I break them!

I was am (not sure anymore), tagged as a rebel, tom-boy and stubborn. I took the life transformative decisions in haste or rather gave up to my parents. And no, they didn’t impose any of them on me. They asked my opinion and I just let them have their way. But one thing I discovered rather late was that I never gave upon my decisions or likes. I just weighed my opinions as secondary, and acted slowly.

But,

When I decided my happiness were way more important than others, I was breaking the selfless rule.

When I decided that my integrity was far worthy than any relation, there I broke a rule.

When I chose not to wear the *nishaani’s of marriage to please the public, I broke the good-wife rule.

When I befriended more males than females, I broke the nice-girl rule.

When I decided to walk-out of life-ruining situations, I was labeled as an arrogant lady and there I broke a rule.

When I dismayed to be silent against the obscenities of a man, I was breaking the **adarsh Bhartiya naari rule.

When I raised voice against the lies and embarrassment one bestowed upon me, I was the breaking the compromise rule and ‘girls don’t raise their voice’ rule.

This rule … That rule

Blah blah blah!

There are going to be millions to tag you, label you, poke you even drag you down when you break some nonsense rules and start thinking and acting the way you wish to. But just keep in mind, that none of them are walking in your shoes. Only you, you alone will understand your path and will be able to make decisions for you.

Don’t give up that right of yours for anything and anyone.

So go on… Break some rules.

For your …

Happiness … Freedom … Life …

And for yourself.

You’ll be fine. Actually, more than fine. 

* nishaani’s of marriage  - Signs of marriage like wedding ring.

** adarsh Bhartiya naari – Ideal Indian Woman

Read Ishitaa's Blogpost too on Break Some Rules, You will be fine.  I got this post idea from her's. 

Linking this to #MondayMusings at EveryGyaan

Jealousy is Normal - #J

Dear Daughter,

Have your felt that pang of jealousy hitting you at the most unexpected times? When a friend scores more than you, or gets better in life or looks more pretty than you, do you feel a burning in your chest?

I am not here to say jealousy is wrong. A little envy is so normal. But too much of it is not and to understand it and tackle the feeling and not let that ruin your peace of mind is the key. One main reason when this emotion engulfs you is when you feel insecure about yourself. When you doubt your worth. I have felt the same. And before it started ruining me I controlled it. There was an instance when I felt I was far behind my peers despite doing everything they did or sometimes much more. There came jealousy…an uninvited guest. The thought gave me some sleepless nights and I began to doubt myself. But my love for myself was much more than those rootless feelings I was able to kick them off.

All your life you are going to encounter this emotion. But there are somethings that can be done when you feel like jealousy is spreading out like a disease in your life. Like …

Surround yourselves with trustworthy, positive energized people. They boost your spirits like anything when you slide down.

Celebrate others success and be genuinely be happy in their growth.

Do what your heart says, and never let others opinions bother you. You might take a longer route to reach your destination but the journey is all worth.

Count your blessings and you’ll know that there’s no need to be envious about others.

Take a social hibernation once in a while. Social media is a highlight reel. We just put the best of everything there. Best pictures. Best check ins. Best quotes. Or life altering moves. Less than the best or even average is not been uploaded there by anyone. Keeping away from screen for something gives you time to look around and gain some confidence and me time. So unplug at the right time.

Never ever compare yourself with others. There’s always something better in him/her than in you and vice versa. Why waste your energy in this, when you can fixate on the positives in your life and in the lives of others?

So my dear child,

When self-doubt creeps in, when jealous peeps out and when you start running to beat someone else, understand that, “Jealousy is really perceptual. Nothing that you have is going to feel good if you’re constantly thinking there’s something else that’s better. Don’t focus on comparisons.”

Yours,

Me. 

I'm Participating in the #AtoZAprilChallenge with the theme .... 

“Letters to Dear Daughter… “

Don'ts of a Girl - #D

Dear Daughter,

Today let's talk about the Don’ts. In a society like ours you're going to face so many Don'ts, even for the smallest things you do. So let me give you a heads up on them …

Don't play with cars or superheroes, its dolls for you.

Don't talk too loudly, girls only talk in hushed voices.

Don’t sit with legs apart, it’s not feminine.

Don't run or jump around or do sports like boys, you’ll build muscles.

Don't wear short dresses, you're asking for it.

Don't use bold lip colors, its provocative.

Don't travel alone, esp. after dark, you’re putting yourself in danger.

Don't make friends with so many boys.

Don't be too ambitious, you should be more concerned about your family.

Don't act bold, that’s not your cup of cake.

Don't be stubborn, you will be tagged a feminist.

Don't take your own decisions, because we know better.

Don't wear jeans or such so called boy's attire, people will talk.

Don't contradict with your elders even if they're wrong, they have seen the world more.

Don't dream about a life of your own, it’s a crime.

Don't live for yourself, it’s selfish.

Don't indulge in your dreams, that a sinful leisure.

Don't raise your voice even if someone abuses you, women are supposed to tolerate.

Don't fight against people who try to destroy you, women should forgive.

Don't think you can have a peaceful, secure and carefree life, that’s not your right.

Don't …...

Don't ……

Don't ……

Because you're a girl!

My precious precious child... 

Do whatever you want to do as long as it's right for you. Live your life the way you want. You're created as a human being by the Divine Power with equal rights and freedom as he created every other man. So no one, absolutely no one has the right to tell you "No" just because of your gender. As long as you're not hurting anyone or doing anything wrong or don't have to lie you have the complete freedom to do your heart. 

Just keep in mind... If you don't have to lie or feel embarrassed/guilty about something you did, then you did the right thing.

Yours,

Me.  

I'm Participating in the #AtoZAprilChallenge with the theme .... 

“Letters to Dear Daughter… “

I killed my Child in the Future

Dear Child,

 

I'm sorry. 

I'm so sorry my dearest daughter … I'm going to kill you before giving you a chance to live.

I'm sorry for snatching away your right to live, even when you're just my dream. 

I always wanted you to be mine. Dreamt and loved you like forever now. But now I don't want you to be born in this world. Yes. I don’t! 

A world where you have to fight constantly to just live. Where you have to be vigil every minute to just breathe. 

I don't want those annoying aunties to stare at you when you chose cars and guns along with your dolls. Or give you an earful when you opt for shorts and jeans over frocks and skirts. I don't want you to be forced to have long hair just because you're a girl. 

I don't want you to worry about the world before you decide to do anything. I don't want you to live in a world where you'll be tagged as opinionated, stubborn and ruthless when you stand for yourself. Don't want you to fight and struggle against the egos of the opposite sex when you climb those ladders in your career. Nor tag you as a slut when you go for a movie or dinner with your male friend. I don't want you to be called a flirt when you prefer male friends over females. Or a whore when you chose to be sexually active. 

I don't want you to worry about been safe when you're working late. Or be told that been a girl you have to ignore those disrespectful behaviors from your boyfriend/husband/anyone. I don't want you to wake up from your sleep multiple times to ensure that you have bolted the doors and no one will intrude your privacy. I don't want you to be born in a world where suffering, forgiving and been silent is considered as the virtues of women only. A world where male strength is considered as a gift to abuse women…. No, my dear… I don’t want you to be born here.

Don’t think I’m against men; in fact I still love and move forward in life because of the men in my life. But now a day it’s rare to find such souls. And it’s not about men only. When you start living you’ll understand even some women are there to make your life terrible.  

I wanted you to be born in a world where you're respected for the human being you're. Cared for the goodness you exhibit. Appreciated for your bravery and not for the perfection others demand.   I want you to be loved for the kind nature of yours and not because you're born a Woman. 

I want you to be born in a world you deserve dear. And I promise my child, that you'll feel a lot happier and safe inside my dreams. 

Yours Always.

Her Voice ....

She was quite when they met

She was quite when he swept her off her feet

She was quite when he argued

Quite even when he raised his hand against her

But now...

When she finally found her voice, he become silent...

Never to raise his voice again.

O for ... #AtoZChallenge2016

"Omkari"

She shuffled between the curtains and peeped into her mom's bedroom. A man was there. Every time a different man will be there. Sometimes more than one. Sometimes the same one comes again and again. 

 "Amma who are they."

"They are my patients’ beta. I'm their doctor. I treat their pain and heal them."

"Next time when you treat can I be with you Amma?"

"No beta. You shouldn't. You should be in your room when someone comes here. Ok? Promise me?"

"Promise Amma."

She doesn’t remember her dad. But her mom has told that he left them when Omkari was little. She was her mom’s light, that’s why she named her Omkari meaning light. When she was old enough understand Omkari came to know that it was her father who married promising her a dream world, who sold her into the flesh market. Once in it’s a never out part of the world.

But one day, she’ll take her mom out of this. 

She promised herself.