I love/hate you, Mom.

It’s said that a girl’s best friend is her Mom. But not for me.

"Mom, I love you." This is something I have never said to my mom. I think we Malayalis lack this expressing their love in words. Anyways I do. Only once I have wished my mom on her birthday in FB with a picture and an elaborate message. After that I thought, I will never ever say all this to my Mom in person, then why showing off? Then and there I stopped the FB PDA thing.

Growing up I was an NRI father's child. A small chunk of my childhood was in boarding and when I started my 10th; mom and siblings came to join me. From then us kids and mom were together. For me, Mom was always a strict Mom. Extremely strict! She would scold me like anything if I did something or if marks turned out to be low or if some teachers complained about me or if I didn't obey her words or such normal stuff. I was literally scared of her. I never said anything to her because I was scared of her reactions. It was known fact among my family that my favorite parent is my Dad. Because he never said No to me. Never raised his hands against or even scolded me. So obviously he will be my favorite. I can't remember the number of times I have written: "I hate you mom" in my diaries and scribbled it and then tore it off too. I even started my blog only because mom read my dairies and even questioned regarding the same. I was never friends or even close with my mom.

But as years passed I began to understand her. She was all alone with three kids with no family around to help. And obviously, she expected more from me since I’m the eldest. Though not all the actions and reactions were justifiable for me, most of them were. Because the way she used to yell and be angry at me made me hate her so much and kept away from her. And actually whatever stupid things I did in life was because of that.

I know my Mom loved me the most. But that realization hit me in my mid-20s. She gave me so much of freedom, trusted me like no one else. The person I’m today is all because of her. I’m so much like her. Independent, stubborn, emotional, sensitive, hyper and don’t even ask me about the way I yell when my temper tips off.

We never understand our family when we’re young. Whatever they do and say turns out to be wrong for us then and even now at times. Maybe they’re not fully right. But they always wanted the best for us. When I was going through a hell-of-a-time, when literally everyone around me misunderstood me, only my Mom was with me. No matter what, at the end of the day they are with us, even if we want or not.

I love her. I hate her. Ultimately I love her. It just goes on and off. And I believe that’s how beautifully messy a Mother-Daughter relation can be. And today I am proud of that. 

P.S. This post is inspired by Rekha's latest post. Thanks to her.  Do check out her post. 

A Coffee Affair ...

Most of the coffee lovers spend their morning with the coffee as if it's their divine love. Me too actually. I hold my coffee mug for a few moments feeling the warmth of the cup on my hands, and then inhale its strong aroma and somehow I close my eyes doing that. Then the first sip of coffee.... That is heaven. What if we make our life just as special as this coffee-affair?

Yesterday it was the mark of my 26th year in this world. And you know what I missed the most... the moments I would have with my dear ones if they were around. And you know what made me sad... thinking next year I'll miss spending time with these people I have today. And you know what made me happy... that I got some good memories with them.

Some years ago I thought a job with a good pay would make me happy. No! But now I realize only a job which is my passion could make me happy. And a full wallet is not enough to bring smile to your face. You need people with whom you could spend some quality time with to have that smile. I believe life is all about the moments we create and enjoy with ourselves and our loved ones. What's the point in living without enjoying it?

Life is so busy these days running around to juggle between work and home. But that is not going to stop or life itself is not going to put a comma for you to slow down and have that coffee in peace. We have to do it ourselves. Have a coffee affair alone or with a dear friend once in awhile. Catch up what's happening in each other's life or relive the old days. Create memories and good relations. Because on your next birthday even before you check your social status or bank account you're going to look around to see whether you got all your dear ones near you and whether you added anyone else to the list. And while blowing your candle you'll be thinking about your yester year's moments and not the meeting you have to attend the next day.

Don't give up on your own happy-evers. And if your happy-ever is that me-time-tea-time, do it. Or that solitude bookworm moment, seize it. Or a coffee conversation with a friend, go for it. Or a Skype time with a dear one across miles, log in for that.

Live your moments and stay happy and make your life as special as possible, because that's our ultimate dream and that's why we are here.

Thankful Day of the Week - #4 A Family Member

Not just a family member… but so many family members I am grateful for. A bunch of crazy people… My Cousins! Yes. All of them. They make all the special days more special, all the secrets more gossipy, all the tears more bearable, all crazy stuffs more crazy, all family secrets much more interesting … Oh! How I miss them now.

"They understand the ins and outs of said dysfunctional family from which you all come, and you either have the exact same opinions on who is crazy and who is not or it’s your parents who are accusing one another of insanity in which case you avoid the issue altogether."

Cousins are always the one who tag along with you in all your decisions. It’s their marriage you look up to the most, and plan ahead for years, their child who you pamper and love the most. I am so so so grateful for all my cousins. They always make my world so beautiful and fun. Love you crazy bunch. And I miss you like anything. 

Thankful Day of the Week - #3 Family

When you have a beautiful family you don't need anything else. I would never say mine is a perfect one and there are times I have wondered, “Why God, Why I was born into this crazy family?” … But I would never trade anyone of them for anything else in this world. Thou they all eat my brain often; they have been there for me for everything. Moments even when I failed to be a perfect daughter, my parents still loved me and stood for me. Times even when I was rude to my siblings, and still they keep me more close. Distance may separate me from my cousins and relatives, but it only takes one buzz or call to get them all next to me. 

Thank you for been my family. Love you always. 

Love of his Life

She stood there looking tall, posed and beautiful. Her smile reached her eyes and seems to brighten her from within. The way she moved around added life to everything she touched. Like the Midas touch. She was the soul of that house and his too. When he first saw her, he not only took her in his hands but into his heart too. And from that very moment she became his universe. Her happiness was his breathe for living and a teardrop of hers had the strength to rip him apart.

He walked up to her and kissed on her forehead. She was becoming more beautiful as years passed, but the twinkle in her as all the same.

“Happy Birthday Love” … he wished her and she hugged him in return with a smile and “Thanks Daddy”.

Two sides of a Coin

She had no other way than letting go off her child. Been unmarried, young and with a good future awaiting her, she can’t let a single mistake from her side to jeopardize her life and moreover her parents name and fame in the society. More than herself she was concerned about the humiliation her parents would have to face if anyone comes to know about the child of their daughter out of wedlock. The mere thought of this is what made her agree to give away her little one when the social worker in the hospital suggested her to give the baby for adoption. Except for the initial touch of her child she didn’t had any contact with him. Thou heart wrenching she saw her baby been carried away from her, who was completely unaware of what’s happening with him.

----------

She and her husband had been waiting all their life for this. After bearing the agony for so many years of trying to have a child and miscarriages, this was a moment that was going to change their life forever and for good. They had been walking in and out of orphanages and foster homes to adopt a child. But something or the other always goes wrong and they were left disappointed each time. But today, everything fell in place and they were actually going to be parents to a baby. A baby with light brown eyes, jet black hair and a smile on his lips even when he’s sleeping. They were holding a baby boy which was going to be their own son in a few hours. The child she waited all this years to give birth and hold close to her bosom.

Relations! A child play?

Every child, be it a girl or boy, dream about been married to their soul mate. Right before they learn to be independent they start looking for that special person all around. But then, why the divorce rate of the present generation is rocketing so much?

Is this because, no one is ready to compromise? Or let go of their freedom, to be loyal and to be humble to their better half?

You fall in love with someone and at the end of the day you back out cos your parents won’t agree. The reason maybe different religion caste, family background, financial status, age or whatever it is (Indian Scenario). Actually, don’t you know your parents more than anyone, and you know what they expect for their child. So before getting committed to someone, can’t all the reasons be considered and then go for it. Love is blind. But after a point does the blindness go away and you regain eye sight?

Break-up is always a choice for the good of both individuals. If you find that you can’t get along with this person cos of your huge lot of in-differences, that’s a reason. Get out of each other’s life. But these days it’s always, “We are breaking up, cos our families won’t agree for this, and we don’t want to hurt our parents”. So when you were like Romeo and Juliet for past 2 or 3 years, mostly in college years, you didn't have parents? Seriously, this is one thing I never seems to understand. You can’t always find your soul mate from the same status or religion or whatever criteria the family puts forward, but if you are ready to love that person ignoring all this, be ready to spend your life with them too.

As read somewhere, “Divorce/break up is just a fancy word masking what is truly a broken attachment between two people. Divorce is more than separating assets and belongings.  It’s the severing of a very strong bond founded on deep feelings of dependency and need. Believe it or not, you developed an attachment to your partner over the course of dating and marriage that connected you on an emotional and physiological level beyond what you realized.”

Marriage or commitment is always a choice. If you are willing to spend the rest of the days with him/her under every circumstance, plunge into that sacred constitution or else just back out before you get committed.

In very relation, be it in friendship, love, marriage, siblings, there are fights, word wars, anger, jealously, misunderstandings and imperfections. No one is perfect. Learn to love the imperfections. Give your best in all relations. Never hesitate to say I love you or I miss you. Have faith enough to say, “I trust you more than I love you”. Hug each other. Hold hands. Never miss to give a Smile at each other. Mean your words. Be proud of one another. Never break your promises, if you don’t mind to keep them, then don't give out promises.

Try to hold the thread till the end, and if it’s meant to stay strong you won’t lose it, or else leave. If you have ever loved that person, you are gonna miss that individual when you back out. Why we have to miss someone when we could be with them throughout? So, never give up someone until you tried your best. 

As the Christian Marriage Vows says….

I _____, take you ______, to be my wedded wife/husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness.

Give yourself to someone, “till death do us part”, and not only till you feel satisfied.

P.S. A self-reminder to a future me if ever I feel like giving up a relation. :)

Light of his life.

When she first saw her mom's wedding ring with her father’s name engraved on it... she wanted that. She was too stubborn that making something similar was the only option. Her father made a ring suitable for her little finger with a "Love Dad" engraving. That was her first jewelry. She proudly wore it everyday and everywhere and beamed whenever she looked at it. 

Niya was her Dad’s girl. And he was her Super Hero. It was a common knowledge even to her mother that he was her favorite parent.

And today was her wedding. He suddenly felt lonely. They lost her mother five years ago. And from then, it was just the father and daughter. They filled each others life. And now with her gone to her new home he felt completely lost. Breaking the thread of his thoughts he heard his phone vibrating.

38 missed calls in 10 minutes! He wondered what was going on. And why he didn't hear it before.

On the next ring he took the call...

"Dad! Where were you? I have been calling you for long."

"Niya?!! What happened? Are you alright? Do you want me to come over?"

"Relax Dad. I'm perfectly alright. I just wanted to tell.... I love you Dad. You are best thing that ever happened in my life. Thank you for been a sweetheart even when I was a Brat. I miss you so dearly.... Please do take care of yourself."

Hearing her words he felt moisture gathering in his eyes and how he wished she'd never grown up.

It's a WOW post! :) Now check out the of the rest WOWs!!!! :) :) :)

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda. We give out creative writing prompts each weekend for Indian Bloggers. This time your entry must contain. '38 missed calls in 10 mins! He/She wondered what was going on.'

U for ... ...

"Unsaid Words".

Hey Sister dear of mine,

How are you? I know you are good in your ways, but how I wish I would hear you saying so, at least once.

I miss you. I missed you right from the beginning. Missed the elder sister with whom you share your first of everything. Your worst fears, worries, biggest secrets, love and life itself. Even if I have been the younger one, circumstances never allowed being that. No complaints in that, as I got enough and more of pampering’s.

There was a time I wished I could share with you the same sisterhood bond every sisters did. Time when I wished to have a sister to sister talk, when I didn't know what to do next, how to move forward, and didn't know whom to ask. To know whether I am doing everything the way it is supposed to be. 

Time when I wished we could argue, point out each other's frailties, mistakes, and bad judgment, flash the insecurities we've had since childhood, and then come back together. Moments when I wished to become an aunt through you, to spoil your kids and act out as their second mom. But God obviously, always have other plans.

But I never ever regretted for all these. Because, being who you are, made me what I am today to an extent.  You taught me everything that I really needed to know. So I am happy for that. So no matter what, I will be always there for you. I know I could be rude at times, I am sorry for that. But I wanna tell you that I love you explicitly. Nothing would ever make any difference to that. Love you. :) 

Yours, 

Me.

"Sisters, as you know, also have a unique relationship. This is the person who has known you your entire life, who should love you and stand by you no matter what, and yet it's your sister who knows exactly where to drive the knife to hurt you the most.” ― Lisa See

P.S.  A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life.

God Blez.

Q for ... ...

Again I am late. I know, I know...

So, this is my Q post...!!!!

Quality Time!

When you think life is going exactly the way you want, it just takes a sudden turn and everything topples down. That’s how amazing life is. Life is never easy nor boring. It's a roller coaster ride with God being the driver, and we alone the passengers with some co-passengers who get down at some point or other. Ultimately we begin and end alone.

I have a brother, who’s in his high school, and whose biggest worry is getting up early in the morning and at times exams too. There was a point when I too had the same fears in my system. When I just wanted to get out of school and face the real world. After school there was another bridge before getting to life. College. There, the profession had to be choosed according to the job priorities and not coz of passion. After done with in-numerous internals, semesters, lectures, fests, hang outs, studies, scolding’s, seminars, projects, when was really out in the real so called world, nothing seemed real. Everything was so monotonous that you could almost predict your days. No one really bothers about anyone or even themselves. The ultimate goal is earn as much as possible before the last breath. For that sacrificing doesn't seem to be so hard.

Friends and relations became distant and end up in an occasional visit or call. Distance, busy schedules, work pressures … all these came up as excuses. Even I do the same thing. Being a person who hated monotony in any form, survival in this scenario seems far more difficult than I dreamt.

Does people really live, or is this is the ‘beautiful’ life? Where we get so few hours with family and dear ones? If you have to meet a friend who’s in the same country, have to plan, check the schedules and then finally get to meet. If he/she is in a different country, then the planning and rescheduling have to be done before months with prays that no unexpected work creeps up in the last moment. 

Work is always important, and money is too. Because, if I didn't get my pocket money from dad or earns myself, there’s no means to satisfy my leisure needs, which is an obvious factor for me. But apart from all these worldly love, don’t souls need the warmth and touch of other souls?

You born, you crawl, you walk, you start gaining knowledge from school and then college. You work as hard as you can but you smile too. Then to professional life, where you work much harder than you can away from parents, spouses, children, friends, home and everything dear to you. You earn money get back home to find that your child has already grown up and you missed his growing years. That your friends had drifted away from you, as you never had any time for them. That now you have so less time with your better half, as your days are few. So actually did you earn something or lost everything?

                                                                                                                                                             

“Stop and make sure that everything you are doing right now is really what makes you happy. You can’t just live for some goal in future and have that be everything… have that be it. Because that is what some people do. They get on this road and there are all these signs saying, ‘This way. That way.’ But what if you get there, you get exactly what you wanted, like some people do, except all the things were wrong, are still wrong. Then what?” – Party of Five.

P.S. Musings from a beginner in Life.

God Blez.

D for... ...

Today is 4th of April. So the fourth day of the A to Z challenge. Fourth day, fourth alphabet, fourth post of the month.

D for Daughter! :)


A daughter is a mother's gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self.
- Anonymous 

Daughter, to you in the future.

Hey Beautiful,

This is to my little girl written years before you were born. Writing a letter to you in the future, seems weird? No! Just so much special to meet you in your twenties, when I myself is in my early twenties. Coz, maybe in course of time and age I might find these things a bit trivial.

Sweetheart, love u so much. Even before you were born you were my dream. And when I get to hold you for the first time will be my happiest moment. The bundle of joy would be with me at last. And will be my Princess forever. 

I want you to know me right from the moment I started dreaming about you. I want you to know me when I was your age, are you like me?? Want to know whether your thoughts, ideas and deeds resemble mine. Don't think I am comparing you. I just wanted to share myself with you. I want to preserve my optimism, ideologies and passion for me. Right now I want to see my dream of giving a strong hand to the less privileged children to make their life colorful and to adopt a girl. 

Always remember.

You are beautiful. Not just from outside but from within. Your Smile is your biggest strength. I want you to save a smile under any circumstances, because that makes you strong. Always look at yourself first thing in the morning.... And however you look ... just be proud of who you are. There's only one YOU in this whole world. And you're Unique. Special. Rare. I want you to be your first love. People may love you or hate you. But remember there are a certain bunch of folks called family and friends who will love you and be with you for who you are. So treasure them and cherish them forever. And never take anyone for granted. Respect everyone's ideologies and their space. Then they will respect yours too.

Read a lot. I want you to read fairy tales and believe in them. It’s always about the good winning the bad and living happily ever after. Believe in good. I wish your life is filled with books. Coz you get so much out of a page. Stand up for what you think is right and be bold. Never hesitate to speak out from your mind. Never stand back and keep silent. Trust your instincts. Almost every time they turn out to be right. Keep a journal and update it regularly. It'll help you to track yourself.

Go travel around the world. See what’s happening at the other part of the world. Understand that this place is not made of happiness only but with sorrows too. Find happiness in your tears too. It's ok to cry, but never at the drop of a hat. You will have your heart broken, maybe so many times, but don't let that let you down. Cry a bit, talk to your BFF and go out and enjoy the beauty of the world. 

Don't be afraid to make mistakes and take risks. I have done more than enough and still doing. You’ll learn from both and but try not to repeat the same mistake more than once. Whatever happens always Believe in God. I want you to go to church regularly.

Find your passion and hold on to it forever. It will take you to great heights in career and in happiness. Never compromise your passion even for me. This is one privilege 'm giving you now itself.

Be stubborn in your principles. Peer or parental pressures should not make u change them.

Always lend your ears to others. Be a good listener. Show concern. Show respect. Remember expect God everyone is a shade of grey. Accept them for who they are. Find Good in everyone. Treat people the way you want them to treat you. Trust others but don't let anyone hurt your feelings. Try never to be the reason for anyone's tears. Try to make a difference in at least a person's life. You will feel blessed for that forever. 

Make it a habit to appreciate and apologize whenever needed. 

Find your guy in a person who never breaks his promises to you, who would smile just to see your smile, who would love you for who you are and who would treat everyone equally despite of their social status. I love you and when you find someone who loves you a fraction of that, then never take him for granted. Relations are the most important treasure in this world. Handle them with uttermost care. Love others without jealousy, anger or grudges. If you don't like a person tell them on their face, but never behind them.

I won't say that I should be your best friend but I want you to be mine. I want to share up each and everything with you. I know one day you're gonna fly away chasing your dreams and life.... but if you think you need to come back for a while.... Don’t hesitate ...  I'll be there for you. Always.

Kid, I love you. Have started loving you when I, myself was a child.

You are my dream. :)

For a Beautiful Daughter and an Awesome Woman.

ME.

God Blez.

PARI

Sharing a Blogpost from another blog, My Little World, which I am completely in love with...



PARI … (Angel)

"Why are you doing this when you can have your own?",Mom asked furiously,almost in tears.

"Atleast think about the society.They will raise so many questions to you and your parents.They'll doubt your...",an acquaintance was trying hard to convince.

"You people are hurting your parents.They had so many aspirations from you.Don't you have any obligations towards them?", another fellow added.

"Apna khoon apna hi hota hai.No one else can take his place.Do whatever you want!",Papa asserted loudly and left the room.

But the couple was adamant to their decision.Nothing in the world could bent them.

They said "Sorry Ma,Sorry Paa.But we are really not bothered what others would think of us.We are not doing anything wrong.And If you want we'll have our own too.But this has to be done.Today and Now.We have promised her."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

They took the keys and hurried to the place.

"Hello sister!"

"Hello Sir.Hello Ma'am.All formalities have been done.You just have to sign here.",the matron said.

"Yeah.we'll just do."

"Congratulations to both of you.God bless you people."

"Thank you sister!"

They both looked at each other.Happiness,love,contentment and proud tinged vividly in their eyes.They distributed sweets to everyone out there.

He kissed her on her forehead for the very first time and hugged her tight.(Ah!Truly Divine. An awesome feeling).

The three of them then headed towards the temple on the opposite side of the road, to seek blessings of the Almighty.

The papers on the dashboard of the car were gleaming brightly on that full moon night.They read,

"St. Anthony Girls Orphanage

.........................................

.........................................

Child's Name:PARI

Age:2 yrs ,6 months

Sex: Female

Adopted by:

Mrs and Mr.............

on 6'Feb'2011"

 

And on the backseat were kept a teddy-bear,a doll in pink,a toy train,a remote control car,a big box of chocolates and toffees,small little pair of shoes,few packets from 'Kids Wear' shop etc etc.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once in school ,a friend asked "What does it mean to be adopted?"

"It means",said Pari "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy :)"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



P.S. All credits and Respects to Saumya, the creator of these words.

God Blez.




 

Happy Birthday lil Brat! ;)

Happy birthday to you…

Happy birthday…

Happy birthday…

Happy birthday to to the sweetest, irritating and loving person in this world!

  Clap. Clap. Clap.

Blow the candles, close your eyes and make a wish... ... ...

 

May all your wishes and dreams and hopes come true. May you get everything you want.  May you have all the happiness, smiles, joys, health, wealth, love, your Nike, Ray Ban, IPhone, Lamborghini, Ferrari or whatever brands you desire.

Now! Dude! You are 13! Thirteeeennn???  Really??!!??  13 long years since you have been torturing me?

 

You have grown up soo much. I still remember holding you 13 years back. A lil bundle with lots of hair and who adamantly refused to cry and who sucked two fingers instead of a thumb. Seriously, you didn’t look beautiful then, but something like a lil monkey :D. But three months later when I saw you, the lil monkey had transformed to the most handsome baby boy I have ever seen till date. You were such a nice guy. No fuss, no cries, happy smiling baby. I loved holding you. I adored pampering you. Being 10 years elder, I got a chance to play Mom once in a while then. But I felt jealous too. Coz u took my place at home, and I was promoted to the post of elder sister.

You were the first person with whom I went out alone, to restaurants, cafes, movies, beach, and rides. First person who bravely got in my Scotty even before I learned to ride properly and we did fall down on that day itself, first to go for a drive with me, first to hear about my friends, my crazy talks, first to get the output of my mood swings, first person who notice my smiles and tears and to irritate me. :)

Till two years back, I looked after you, I took your hands while crossing the road, made sure you were ok when we went for outings or movies, took you to your favorite food outlets, made sure you got something you liked on your birthdays, bought you ice creams when you had irresistible cravings, spend almost all my pocket money on your junk foods. But now, you lead me as if you are my big bro, give me lectures, and buy me stuffs from your pocket money, takes a list of my male friends, tell me about your crushes, stand against Mom or Dad for me, note every small things I do or own. Wow! You really have grown up, my boy! And I simply love the way you act as if you are my elder one, even thou it gets under my skin at times.

As it’ said. “After a girl is grown, her little brothers - now her protectors - seem like big brothers.” - Astrid Alauda

 

Just wanna tell you, live your life the way you want it. But at the end of the day make sure your doings doesn’t hurt anyone. Especially family. Coz, relations, happiness and smiles are all that matters. Do mistakes but come out of them too. You don’t have to be perfect, but you should grow up as a lovable man with a good, kind and thoughtful heart. Make sure at every point of your life, you share everything with someone. Make sure someone knows you in and out.  

Sweetheart, how much you grow up, how much you blabber that you are not a child anymore, you will always be my lil one. Something like a first born. So anything, anywhere, even after you get a beautiful wife or become father for countless kids, you can knock my door at any time of the day/night to tell any crap.

Despite all this, I am still gonna act immature to you, irritate you, fight with you or use my nails to draw on your skin, but will be there as always. You can surely count me in if ever you feel lost. I won’t promise that I’ll lead you through the right way, even thou I’ll try, but won’t let you be lost on your own.

Happy Birthday to my sweetest, handsome Brother! You are the most lovable creature, not always but almost every time.

 

I love you. I love you. I love you infinitely. :* 

P.S. When you gonna buy me ice cream again? ;)

God Blez.