I love/hate you, Mom.

It’s said that a girl’s best friend is her Mom. But not for me.

"Mom, I love you." This is something I have never said to my mom. I think we Malayalis lack this expressing their love in words. Anyways I do. Only once I have wished my mom on her birthday in FB with a picture and an elaborate message. After that I thought, I will never ever say all this to my Mom in person, then why showing off? Then and there I stopped the FB PDA thing.

Growing up I was an NRI father's child. A small chunk of my childhood was in boarding and when I started my 10th; mom and siblings came to join me. From then us kids and mom were together. For me, Mom was always a strict Mom. Extremely strict! She would scold me like anything if I did something or if marks turned out to be low or if some teachers complained about me or if I didn't obey her words or such normal stuff. I was literally scared of her. I never said anything to her because I was scared of her reactions. It was known fact among my family that my favorite parent is my Dad. Because he never said No to me. Never raised his hands against or even scolded me. So obviously he will be my favorite. I can't remember the number of times I have written: "I hate you mom" in my diaries and scribbled it and then tore it off too. I even started my blog only because mom read my dairies and even questioned regarding the same. I was never friends or even close with my mom.

But as years passed I began to understand her. She was all alone with three kids with no family around to help. And obviously, she expected more from me since I’m the eldest. Though not all the actions and reactions were justifiable for me, most of them were. Because the way she used to yell and be angry at me made me hate her so much and kept away from her. And actually whatever stupid things I did in life was because of that.

I know my Mom loved me the most. But that realization hit me in my mid-20s. She gave me so much of freedom, trusted me like no one else. The person I’m today is all because of her. I’m so much like her. Independent, stubborn, emotional, sensitive, hyper and don’t even ask me about the way I yell when my temper tips off.

We never understand our family when we’re young. Whatever they do and say turns out to be wrong for us then and even now at times. Maybe they’re not fully right. But they always wanted the best for us. When I was going through a hell-of-a-time, when literally everyone around me misunderstood me, only my Mom was with me. No matter what, at the end of the day they are with us, even if we want or not.

I love her. I hate her. Ultimately I love her. It just goes on and off. And I believe that’s how beautifully messy a Mother-Daughter relation can be. And today I am proud of that. 

P.S. This post is inspired by Rekha's latest post. Thanks to her.  Do check out her post. 

P for ... #AtoZChallenge2016

"Paa ...”

“Happy Birthday, Paa.“

She walked inside the hospital room with a big smile and a cake.

There was a fragile looking old man inside. When heard the voice he looked up with amusement. 

“Birthday? Whose?”

“Yours Paa. It’s your Birthday today.”

Seriously?! Awe. Thank you Doc. But why did you call me Paa, Doc?”

“Aah … Ha …  I’m sorry Mr Menon … I just thought of my Father. You look just like him.”

She left the room immediately before her patient who forgets that she was his daughter saw her eyes welling up.

A full lived life!

My Grandmom (from mom's side) died yesterday morning at around 12 am IST. She was 85 years old.

And according to me she lead a full life. She had a beautiful martial life with her handsome husband with loads of love, laughter, fights and so much of hard works. She is survived by 4 kids out of 6, their spouses, 17 grandchildren and 7 great grand kids. Wow! I just love my family.

She was such a strong person with a beautiful and such a charming personality. And an awesome cook. She was a warm person with a kind heart and an enchanting smile. Even thou I was not so close to her, I was very fond of her. She always gave me that absolute "Grandma" feeling.

When heard that she's no more... there was a lost feeling, even thou it was expected. But the reality of her physical form gone, along with her voice, her presence and her warmth, everything just vanished with her. Also the trace of a whole generation.

I always loved that family reunion moments. When we meet the people that was meant only for us, the people who's insanity do match us and makes us feel a little less weird for been the way we are, the people with which we feel so connected and rejuvenated the instant we lay our eyes on them, the moment our "mature parents" starts behaving like kids along with their siblings. I just love all those memories. For all this, thanks of my Grandma. Coz, without her none of us might have been born. 

I will miss her. But I guess my mom and her siblings just felt as if a part of their life just vanished along with their Mom. Her mom! Yea, she too had a mom like me. She too was a child once, and she too have clinged to her many times. And losing your threshold forever is a tremendous loss. And this made me think about how I will also loss my mom once and how my kids will loss their's. Guess its's a never ending process of life.

P.S. No-one can take a Mom's place. 

God Blez.

PARI

Sharing a Blogpost from another blog, My Little World, which I am completely in love with...



PARI … (Angel)

"Why are you doing this when you can have your own?",Mom asked furiously,almost in tears.

"Atleast think about the society.They will raise so many questions to you and your parents.They'll doubt your...",an acquaintance was trying hard to convince.

"You people are hurting your parents.They had so many aspirations from you.Don't you have any obligations towards them?", another fellow added.

"Apna khoon apna hi hota hai.No one else can take his place.Do whatever you want!",Papa asserted loudly and left the room.

But the couple was adamant to their decision.Nothing in the world could bent them.

They said "Sorry Ma,Sorry Paa.But we are really not bothered what others would think of us.We are not doing anything wrong.And If you want we'll have our own too.But this has to be done.Today and Now.We have promised her."

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They took the keys and hurried to the place.

"Hello sister!"

"Hello Sir.Hello Ma'am.All formalities have been done.You just have to sign here.",the matron said.

"Yeah.we'll just do."

"Congratulations to both of you.God bless you people."

"Thank you sister!"

They both looked at each other.Happiness,love,contentment and proud tinged vividly in their eyes.They distributed sweets to everyone out there.

He kissed her on her forehead for the very first time and hugged her tight.(Ah!Truly Divine. An awesome feeling).

The three of them then headed towards the temple on the opposite side of the road, to seek blessings of the Almighty.

The papers on the dashboard of the car were gleaming brightly on that full moon night.They read,

"St. Anthony Girls Orphanage

.........................................

.........................................

Child's Name:PARI

Age:2 yrs ,6 months

Sex: Female

Adopted by:

Mrs and Mr.............

on 6'Feb'2011"

 

And on the backseat were kept a teddy-bear,a doll in pink,a toy train,a remote control car,a big box of chocolates and toffees,small little pair of shoes,few packets from 'Kids Wear' shop etc etc.
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Once in school ,a friend asked "What does it mean to be adopted?"

"It means",said Pari "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy :)"


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P.S. All credits and Respects to Saumya, the creator of these words.

God Blez.