Let's Go

Hey,

Let's get out of here

Let's get out of here to a faroff land

Not some exotic country but maybe to Russia, Japan or even Uganda

Let's take off one day and meet midair as strangers

Let's be co-passengers and introduce ourselves

Let's say cheers to wine and laugh over the crappy airline food

Let's giggle like kids over the choice of movies 

And once at the destination, let's pick an Ok motel

Dumb our luggages and get out to the street 

Let's explore the nook and corner

The not tourist places, the infamous alleys, not so popular restaurants and downright libraries

Let's drink cheap whisky

Let's sing and dance to nonsense music until our legs wobble and voice coarse

Let's walk back drunk at wee hours and kiss out loud

Let's confuse lust over love and hold hands

Let's sleep off whispering inaudible nothing's and cuddling each other

Let's sleep through the morning rays and 

When we wake up in the afternoon

Let's repeat

Let's repeat the same routine

With different alleys, restaurants, bars and libraries

Let's repeat until it's time to go

To return to the world we belong

Where we are labeled as husband and wife

Or as lovers or as girlfriend and boyfriend

Or as perfect strangers

But only .... 

Until next time.

Moving Away ...

After ten years of marriage they sat across each other with light years of miles between them. In the silence each tick of the clock echoed their ears. Sometimes when people love each other fiercely, just a bit of a strain can be the reason for the brittleness of their relation. 

Years ago if it was their love for children that brought them together, today it's the loss of a child that tore them away. Initially they grieved together but when their grief took different routes they just couldn’t stay together anymore.

Linking this to  #WritingWednesdays  & to the #SaturdayMicrofiction of Write Tribe. 

Fate Contradicts - #F

Dear Daughter,

I don't know what I'm going to tell you today. I feel like no matter whatever I advise, give you gyaans sometimes nothing would prepare you to face the life that's happening.

Today morning I saw death. Again.

Brother of a dear friend who was just 20, passed away in an accident. I had just talked to my friend this morning and we were discussing what should be my "F" post and decided upon "Fighter" after so much of laughter and talks. After a few hours I heard the same man crying out loud. I just couldn't digest the contradiction that happened in between few hours. You know what I did? I did my nails! I have no justification for my action. But I wanted to feel some normalcy. After hearing the bad news I kept going back to the past deaths in my life. It took me years and so many wrong decisions to accept them. I did everything to have a busy day, today.  Had meetings till late evening since I didn’t wanted to stay alone even for a second out of fear of memories gushing into me. Even writing all this is feeling wrong, as if I’m utilizing one’s pain. But I really want you to know that life is unpredictable and comes without any kind of manual. Be prepared for the worst.  

Even when you will be fighting the whole world you could be vulnerable inside. It’s Ok. It’s really ok to be fragile. To feel the raw emotions. To endure pain. But my child, please don’t let that destroy you.

Yours,

Me. 

I'm Participating in the #AtoZAprilChallenge with the theme .... 

“Letters to Dear Daughter… “

Been together ...

“ The only person worthy of your love is not one who overstayed in the relationship without a single change, but one, who appeared like an angel, and used a single day to make a million change. ” 
― Michael Bassey Johnson

We humans cannot survive alone. We are social beings who need constant buzzing of other humans around us. We need our friends or family for consolation in grief, for support in distress, for expressing ourselves and for just been there. I am not a person who got  much of the self expressing gene in me. I prefer to grieve alone or to sort out my problems by myself. But on some days of life, we just need the assurance that someone is actually there for us. Someone is looking after us. And that’s when friends and family comes in picture.

Student life for us is a total carefree life. Nothing can wrong for us then. Life looks so possible and full of hopes. And it was no different for me and my friends too. But one morning I woke up to an inbox full of messages and lots of missed calls saying that one of my best friends met with an accident and didn’t survive it. He was living in another city and was just back home for a week. It was only the previous day I spend time with him and the next day I woke up to hear his demise. That was one moment when even tears failed to acknowledge their presence. The moment when you feel so awake yet felt dreaming. That day itself his family arranged for his final rituals, and I have never seen something like that before. Losing a person is sad, but when that person is very young, it’s just terrible.

The next day, I left for class, even when I didn’t had the energy or mind. But been at home and engulfing in grief was more than I could handle. So escaping into the cheerfulness of campus was the only way. I went early that day, because I needed that time to compose myself before my gang came and start consoling me. But when I reached, saw the least expected person. He was one person who never reached class before the lecture starts. And here he was now, an hour before the college time. He was sitting at his usual place as if waiting for me, to assure me of his friendship and companionship. That moment I realized, I may have lost one friend to the past, but there are still some more beautiful friends around me to ensure my happiness and smiles.  And for a long time, wherever I went he was somewhere around the scene, maybe to make sure I was fine.  Also should add, that was the only day he reached class before me in all the four years of our college life. 

We both have our differences and fights, and we still show our attitude to each other for days. We are miles away and it’s been almost two years since we last saw each other. But it’s just a matter of a message or a miss call, and there ends our ego and we both know that no matter what, we are there for each other.  When there are friends and dear ones with us to hold our hands, or just to stand beside us during our not so good days, that itself gives us enough confidence to move on. And that’s the fragrance of friendship and strength of togetherness.

***

Linking this to Housing.com

Lost in two worlds.

She lived in a state of constant pain. Nothing done or seen or touch does not remind her of her beloved.

Nights meant for those quiet moments..... talking..... laughing...... dreaming...... loving....  are now megaphones for her pain..... amplifying back so that it slams her into submission. There were no holiday’s..... there were no anniversaries..... no birthdays...... lest she counted the anniversary of her beloved’s death. She started counting the days since he left her.Her world was never right after he left her.... like a shattered glass it was destroyed to thousand pieces.... she tried to glue it together... and it did work.... but....... only for a short time. Gradually she understood dat a broken piece will always be broken... and evn if its mended it wont look the same.

In the beginning, she had a numbness that allowed her to exist. Then her memory turned into images like an old silent movie, flickers of images but no detail. Now she remembered details. It was like seeing fire, being burned before, knowing it will hurt, and sticking your hand in anyway. In her mind she inspected his face, his look, what did she miss, what could she have done to save him. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. But the thought of not having him near her.... kills her each moment. Her near and dear ones tried to console her, but she was beyond all that.

In between all this, one thing she didn't knew that they were been watched, from the other world. He wanted to tell her it's going to be ok and that he's fine here.

But... the differences between the two worlds stood as a barrier between them.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda. We give out creative writing topics each weekend for Indian bloggers.

My favourite Friend.

Seventh and the last day of Festival of Words. It was truly a festival with lots and lots of words, stories, personal experiences, excitement and happiness.

Glad I took part in this and get to meet so many more bloggers. Thanks to Corinne and to all the brains and imagination behind this.

Today for my last post of this series I am taking inspiration from Richa's theme, "Seven things about the first person I get to see each morning". If you haven't yet been to her space.... just rush! :)

But here it's not the first person I saw today, but about a person who influenced me years before and still doing.

Midhun aka MRM aka M.

1. A 6 feet (somewhere near) macho man. An athlete. You can't just ignore his presence. If he's somewhere near, then he'll definitely hit your eyes.

2. A person with immense love for his family and friends and who don't hesitate in showing that. He made sure everyone knew that family and friends are his first priority. And he's extremely possessive about them.

3. No permanent rivalry with anyone. He would be your enemy this moment, but if you are in need, he will be the first person to give his hand.

4. He's the one person who taught me to find happiness in small things. If one feels happy only when something great happens, then he'll have to wait long for that, but when one finds happiness in small small things, then he'll be always happy. 

5. A lover of branded stuffs, right from sunglasses to cars. And he's always impeccably dressed and should say he got great sense in choosing his and others (which includes women too) attire.

6. He's a females person. Chic magnet!!! (as Richa describes one of her friend). He's just too good with words and the way he talks. And the best part is no girls will feel offended talking to him. He got great Respect for women.

7. We used to fight a lot through phone as we were seas apart. As am a very stubborn female,  it doesn't take much time for his patience level to reach the peak point. And if you thought he will blast out, never! He, in his most sweet, calm, ever loving tone will say "Bye... take care... talk to you tomorrow"... and just disconnects the call. Grrrrr... that's the way he expresses his anger. 

Thank God for that. Or else we would have killed each other a zillion times by now.

He's not perfect. But I call him the 'Imperfectly Perfect Man'.

He left this world Four years ago. But the strength with much he is remembered by all of us, even now just surprises me. I have seen many people near and far pass away, but this is one is still living more strongly each day through his dear ones. It's like his friends and family near lets anyone forget that he was here among us and still is...

Recently I talked to a mutual friend of ours. He said he still couldn't accept the fact that M was gone. Even thou it's years since he's gone, the vaccum he left is still the same. Guess that was the power of the life he led and his love for others.

We all think about life after death at one point or the other. But, I wish to live in the hearts of my dear ones like he lives now and forever.

This is my Seventh post to Write Tribe Festival of Words.

Life taken too soon.

One of my favorite professor passed away today evening IST. He was fighting against Jaundice but had to surrender to it atlast. He was not from my college. But we used to go for tuitions to him. He was such an awesome teacher that you would just fall in love with him...in the right sense of course. Even thou I hated every subjects he taught me, I loved going to his classes. He could just make all those boring equations, theorems and machine principles and working into something more dramatic and interesting. And the way he dealt with us students was like a friend. He would get angry if we cross our limits otherwise he's just so awesome. He would tease and pull our legs like there's no end. 

Two years before, his wife died of cancer and they have a lil boy of maybe 6 or 7. And maybe coz the mother was sick, the kid was so attached to his father. Even during the class the lil dude will call out for his father and at times will come and sit in the class.

First thought that crossed my mind when heard about his demise was his child. He lost both his parents. Suddenly he became all along in this big world.

Why such fate to good people? He already lost his wife, and that too, to cancer. And before she died, she was sick for many years. But one would never guess that from his personality. He was always a cheerful and smiling man. He used to tease me about my riding speed and used to tell that I just scare him the way I ride. But still send me to buy the markers needed for the class, saying that I won't take much time to return, courtesy to my speed. Suddenly I just miss him so much. Even thou I never had any contact with him after those classes. But the thought that he's no more and even if I wish to see him once, I can't... that just hits somewhere deep.

Death is one guest who comes without any invitation, without permission or even without knocking. And when he goes, he just takes a dear one among us, leaving us completely shattered.

Sir, I respect you with all my heart. May you find happiness in the eternal world. You were just awesome when you were here and played your role really well. Hats off to you. Proud to meet you and to know you. You are an inspiration!

P.S. Live your life beautifully.

God Blez.

A full lived life!

My Grandmom (from mom's side) died yesterday morning at around 12 am IST. She was 85 years old.

And according to me she lead a full life. She had a beautiful martial life with her handsome husband with loads of love, laughter, fights and so much of hard works. She is survived by 4 kids out of 6, their spouses, 17 grandchildren and 7 great grand kids. Wow! I just love my family.

She was such a strong person with a beautiful and such a charming personality. And an awesome cook. She was a warm person with a kind heart and an enchanting smile. Even thou I was not so close to her, I was very fond of her. She always gave me that absolute "Grandma" feeling.

When heard that she's no more... there was a lost feeling, even thou it was expected. But the reality of her physical form gone, along with her voice, her presence and her warmth, everything just vanished with her. Also the trace of a whole generation.

I always loved that family reunion moments. When we meet the people that was meant only for us, the people who's insanity do match us and makes us feel a little less weird for been the way we are, the people with which we feel so connected and rejuvenated the instant we lay our eyes on them, the moment our "mature parents" starts behaving like kids along with their siblings. I just love all those memories. For all this, thanks of my Grandma. Coz, without her none of us might have been born. 

I will miss her. But I guess my mom and her siblings just felt as if a part of their life just vanished along with their Mom. Her mom! Yea, she too had a mom like me. She too was a child once, and she too have clinged to her many times. And losing your threshold forever is a tremendous loss. And this made me think about how I will also loss my mom once and how my kids will loss their's. Guess its's a never ending process of life.

P.S. No-one can take a Mom's place. 

God Blez.

Lil Sunshine...

This is Tejaswee Rao.

Isn't that such a happy smile???? :)

Never have seen her. Never have known her.

Met her last year through her blog, when I was surfing through the blogosphere. And there's a photograph on the right side of her blog, which shows a girl smiling showing all of her teeth. The smile is reaching not just her lips but her eyes too. And the radiance she spreads through her smile is so immense, that I feel in love with her.

Her writings are also like so positive, that even a routine update have so much of positivity and energy in it. And in a single sitting I read through all her posts, her friends & even strangers like me wrote in tribute to her. And in every word of others one could read the color, love and energy she bestowed to each other's life. At that time, even I was suffering from the loss of a dear one, and I would so clearly see how her family and friends were affected in her going away.

After some days she left my mind, until recently I stumbled upon her pic again. And she's been haunting me... in a good way. Why, such happy and good souls are taken away so soon??!! Whatever the reason maybe, till the 19 years of her life she have inspired many and is still doing through her writings. And her friends are going to adopt kids, cos she always wanted to.

I missed meeting you Tejaswee, in real... but happy to know you atleast through this virtual world.

P.S. It's not the years you live that counts, but the moments you gave others.

God Blez u lil one. Keep Smiling that infectious smile of yours. :*

Cheerz to you.

Ending up??!!??

When I was in my second year of college, a senior committed suicide. The reason was she couldn't cope up with her father’s death. He was a cancer patient. So the moment she came to know that he failed to cancer she took her life. When I heard this, didn't even feel a pinch of sadness for her. My version was she didn't have the right to take her life when she had a Mom and a lil sister to take care of. But she was her Dad’s gal and it destroyed her world.

After one year of this incident I understood with full depth what made her do so. When I encountered something like hers I came to know the emotions she might have gone through then. The feeling of feeling so lost and not knowing how to move forward without that person who was supposed to be with you all through your life. It’s the difficulty of accepting the fact that they are no longer a visible part of your life, but more over a belief above your head. Taking yourself away from all these seems to be a better option than seeing your dear one lifeless. Going through life without them might be more painful than not living.

I never had any sort if sympathy to those who took their life by themselves because of emotional problems, death in family, debt or whatever the reason be. But maybe the amount of loneliness or breath taking pain made them do that. The thought of ending everything up in a moment than enduring this pain lifelong might have triggered them to put that extra leg forward. People find answers in self-killing when the individual simply can't handle the pain any longer. Do you not think they are in not in extreme anguish about leaving this world and their loved one? That they are not aware of the hurt that will be caused? But the pain is simply more than they can bear.

I am never justifying suicide and never will, and still voice that it’s not the solution and believe it is nothing less than murder. Facing problems brings out the solution and gives you courage. But i also thin it’s not a selfish act, it's just a person does not know where to turn next… But when they decide to have eternal peace they are pushing their dear ones to lifelong agony. that's the price they are paying for their last freedom.

When a human being does something like this, the pain he would have gone through right before the moment of taking such a decision would be enormous. And everyone, well almost most of us, at some point or the other would have thought of ending up everything in a moment. So before criticizing someone who made that mistake just think about what they have gone through and remember them in your prayers. They were certainly brave people, but not strong enough to bear. 

P.S. Senior of mine, hope you find happiness with your Dad up there. Stay happy and peaceful. You are loved and remembered by many every day.

God Blez.

Miss you. Always.

Three years.!!!!

Three years of stillness. Soo much have changed... right from the surroundings to people to life itself. But the vaccum you left in us, remains the same... even at the moment.

The intensity of missing you got deeper as years went, but never any less. No days pass by without wishing you to be here.

Just.......... Tak care.

Love you.
God Blez.




P.S.On your Third year in heaven !!!