Come back. Even as a shadow, even as a dream.

Today I saw, no heard death, not once but twice. Morning I woke up to a blogger friend’s mom passing away and in the evening a colleague’s. She called me in between a meeting and said crying her mother was seriously admitted and chances are low. But after half an hour a call from India to me, confirmed her mom passing away. Till now we haven’t disclosed to her. When I went talk to her she hugged me and cried she want her mom and don’t want to lose her. She took away my strength.  

Tonight she’ll drift off to sleep, praying for her mom’s recovery. Tomorrow night she’ll reach her hometown to see her mom numb and cold. I cannot imagine her devastation. I cannot imagine both my friends’ loss.

I have seen death before. My grandparents, aunt, uncle, friends…

But one death that shocked me to the core was a friend’s. I was 20, at that time. I was taught that no harm will happen to good people. No destruction, no loss, no bad things will happen to people that do no harm to others. But when I lost him, I lost that belief. I lost my innocence and hope in goodness with him.  

It took me year to accept the reality and the fact that death is inevitable. It comes to the good and bad, rich and poor, young and old, friends and enemies and even to me. Death is the only area in life, where man is truly helpless and at the mercy of the ultimate power. Only time when man becomes nothing.

Death leaves you breathless. It takes away your sleep. It changes us. It breaks us. You seek them everywhere, you feel their presence, and you smell them, even when you know that they are not there. You still pray for a miracle even after you have buried them deep down. 

It leaves a permanent void in you, which no matter what happens, or time passes … will not heal, but will diminish the scar, really slowly.

And still, after years and decades there will be moments, when you will suddenly feel a heart trenching ache when you miss them just like that.

But if there’s a sunset, there’s a sunrise too. With a new morning you will definitely move on.

Still believing in goodness and still embracing hope. Praying that both my friends get immense strength and love to stay strong during this period. 

If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. —James O’Barr

I am taking My Alexa Rank to the next level with #MyFriendAlexa with BlogChatter. 

This is Post #4

Love beyond Worlds.

He met her accidentally at the most unexpected time. Not even in his dreams he has thought that she’s going to be this important to him. In their there was no ‘get-to-know’ period or ‘just-friends’ period. They met as complete strangers and fell in love even without knowing each other. He knew they were meant for each other the moment they met. Was it love at first sight?  Can the meeting in the virtual world can be said as a first sight love? Don’t know…

Though what started as an infatuation out of fascination of seeing a person with so many similarities yet different in every aspect soon turned out to be something deep and meaningful. They were all set to marry within months. She made his life so much happier just been with him.  Everything was so easy with her. She never intrudes his space but his space was all about her. She could understand even his silence. There were moments he used to wonder, how a person can read another one so easily with so much of ease. That was she. Simple yet elegant in every way. She had that magic of pulling people to her side with her charm and love and just been her. Before they met, he wanted to do so much with his life. And now also he wanted all the same, but with her in it.

White rose was what he gave her the first day he saw her. Seeing her smile that moment, he made a mental promise to himself that no matter what, he’s going to give her a rose everyday day of his life. And even today, a year after she left him, he’s keeping his promise… without fail. 

******

Today happened to read this status update in Red Handed's FB page and that made me write this fictional piece. So thanks to her. :)

A small footstep

Out in the cold moonless night with not even a star to jolt a tiny beam of hope, she stepped on to the highest stone of the building. She saw her life tumbling down as if it were made of cards. She could see her long awaited future closing down on her. Feeling lost and having no clue where to turn for comfort she stood rooted to the ground.

She saw the glam of the city below her. People walking as fast as their legs could take and ignoring the rest of the world. No one stopped to acknowledge others. They were in a hurry to live their life as if it was their last day. Are we all like this? Chasing the future, neglecting the present and forgetting the past? She wondered.

Every thoughts were pondering in her head and making her sick. She wanted to step down. She knew, you can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another. She was very much aware of that cos that's what she was doing for long. And that's when she finally decided to stop moving and to take the final leap. A journey away from her loved ones and without any painful tomorrows. With all the muffled thoughts and memories she took a small step forward, into the darkness, as if it was her first but was supposed to be her last.

This post is for Hemingway this Wednesday in Write Tribe

I chose the quote  “You can’t get away from yourself by moving from one place to another.”  (The Sun Also Rises)

I dreamt…

I dreamt of losing my dreams of all these years. I dreamt of losing hope. I dreamt of losing my people. I dreamt of sinking deep down. I dreamt of sadness, sorrow & tears. I dreamt of loneliness. I dreamt of pain. I dreamt of cold stillness.

I dreamt of dying.

 

Actually that was my last night’s dream. No wonder I waked up so early.

:)

 

 

P.S. May everyone have just sweet dreams all through their life.

God Blez.

 

 

 

Ending up??!!??

When I was in my second year of college, a senior committed suicide. The reason was she couldn't cope up with her father’s death. He was a cancer patient. So the moment she came to know that he failed to cancer she took her life. When I heard this, didn't even feel a pinch of sadness for her. My version was she didn't have the right to take her life when she had a Mom and a lil sister to take care of. But she was her Dad’s gal and it destroyed her world.

After one year of this incident I understood with full depth what made her do so. When I encountered something like hers I came to know the emotions she might have gone through then. The feeling of feeling so lost and not knowing how to move forward without that person who was supposed to be with you all through your life. It’s the difficulty of accepting the fact that they are no longer a visible part of your life, but more over a belief above your head. Taking yourself away from all these seems to be a better option than seeing your dear one lifeless. Going through life without them might be more painful than not living.

I never had any sort if sympathy to those who took their life by themselves because of emotional problems, death in family, debt or whatever the reason be. But maybe the amount of loneliness or breath taking pain made them do that. The thought of ending everything up in a moment than enduring this pain lifelong might have triggered them to put that extra leg forward. People find answers in self-killing when the individual simply can't handle the pain any longer. Do you not think they are in not in extreme anguish about leaving this world and their loved one? That they are not aware of the hurt that will be caused? But the pain is simply more than they can bear.

I am never justifying suicide and never will, and still voice that it’s not the solution and believe it is nothing less than murder. Facing problems brings out the solution and gives you courage. But i also thin it’s not a selfish act, it's just a person does not know where to turn next… But when they decide to have eternal peace they are pushing their dear ones to lifelong agony. that's the price they are paying for their last freedom.

When a human being does something like this, the pain he would have gone through right before the moment of taking such a decision would be enormous. And everyone, well almost most of us, at some point or the other would have thought of ending up everything in a moment. So before criticizing someone who made that mistake just think about what they have gone through and remember them in your prayers. They were certainly brave people, but not strong enough to bear. 

P.S. Senior of mine, hope you find happiness with your Dad up there. Stay happy and peaceful. You are loved and remembered by many every day.

God Blez.