Come back. Even as a shadow, even as a dream.

Today I saw, no heard death, not once but twice. Morning I woke up to a blogger friend’s mom passing away and in the evening a colleague’s. She called me in between a meeting and said crying her mother was seriously admitted and chances are low. But after half an hour a call from India to me, confirmed her mom passing away. Till now we haven’t disclosed to her. When I went talk to her she hugged me and cried she want her mom and don’t want to lose her. She took away my strength.  

Tonight she’ll drift off to sleep, praying for her mom’s recovery. Tomorrow night she’ll reach her hometown to see her mom numb and cold. I cannot imagine her devastation. I cannot imagine both my friends’ loss.

I have seen death before. My grandparents, aunt, uncle, friends…

But one death that shocked me to the core was a friend’s. I was 20, at that time. I was taught that no harm will happen to good people. No destruction, no loss, no bad things will happen to people that do no harm to others. But when I lost him, I lost that belief. I lost my innocence and hope in goodness with him.  

It took me year to accept the reality and the fact that death is inevitable. It comes to the good and bad, rich and poor, young and old, friends and enemies and even to me. Death is the only area in life, where man is truly helpless and at the mercy of the ultimate power. Only time when man becomes nothing.

Death leaves you breathless. It takes away your sleep. It changes us. It breaks us. You seek them everywhere, you feel their presence, and you smell them, even when you know that they are not there. You still pray for a miracle even after you have buried them deep down. 

It leaves a permanent void in you, which no matter what happens, or time passes … will not heal, but will diminish the scar, really slowly.

And still, after years and decades there will be moments, when you will suddenly feel a heart trenching ache when you miss them just like that.

But if there’s a sunset, there’s a sunrise too. With a new morning you will definitely move on.

Still believing in goodness and still embracing hope. Praying that both my friends get immense strength and love to stay strong during this period. 

If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. —James O’Barr

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This is Post #4

Lost Love ...

Pete gulped down another shot of drink. He was already feeling dizzy. Today was the day he chooses every year to drink until he passes out. Some five years before, he was a happily married man with a very beautiful wife, a zooming career and all the happiness in the world. But now, no wife, career in jeopardize, and nothing at all to make him happy.

She was her family. He lived for her. Her words were like gospel to his ears. They were termed as the most gorgeous and ideal couple among their friends. But now… he was all alone. It was a common knowledge that when she died it killed him too. No one saw him smiling or engaging in a good conversation after that. He completely kept to himself and to his thoughts and memories.

Even now, after five years, he’s grieving for her. Longing for her presence, to hear her voice, to see her smile…

But she was so away from him. There was not a day he wished that if only the clock could tick back… if time would take him back to that dreadful night when he saw her with another man. If he would get a chance like that once again… maybe he would have at least given her voice to explain herself one last time before he lost control on his anger and stabbed her to death.

Or maybe he would have forgiven her… and live as if nothing happened… Or anything… anything rather than this nothingness without her.