Thursday, March 19, 2015

Miss You Home

“Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough” 
 Oprah Winfrey

It’s been three years since I am settled here with my family.  This place despite being a foreign land was somewhat like a second home. Because right from the age of 9, my vacations, even it was for one week or two months, were here. So this place was and is the bread and butter of our family. But living for almost whole of my life, except for two months of every year, in my hometown and coming back here for settling was different. Vacations end in two months, but life doesn't, and this migration was life.

What is different here compared to home?

Homeland! That’s the difference. You can’t attach the word “home” unless it’s your own. No matter what, you belong there. Your place, your language, your people… everything is yours.

I was a person who cheered for Pakistan in cricket and who prayed India to lose her crown in Miss World (but I was just 6 years, so guess it can be forgiven). But now after living with her for more than half of my life I began to respect her, take pride in been her daughter, to have a space in her land and to be known to others as hers. But now a feeling of been in a strange land is always there in the air. At least for me.  I miss the sound, glow and liveliness of all the festive seasons. This place is sophisticated but it lacks the warmth you feel back home. This place is far safer for everyone, but still it lack the familiarity. Well mannered, well ruled, disciplined but at times the wild child in me miss the unauthorized nature of home.

Here you can do whatever you want, wear anything you like, go where ever you wish. No one other than your family is going to question you, but I miss the poking noses of the society. I miss my dear ones. I miss the divinity and the glow of my holy place. I miss my room which saw me grow from a little girl to a woman. I miss my wheels, which tagged along with me. I miss the crumpled highways (God only knows how many times they have scraped my knees and hands), the roughness of the sea, the over crowed shops, the noisy nights, the not so posh theaters, the ice cream push carts in footpaths, the balloon vendors (setting a bunch of balloons free into the sky, that's just a happy feeling).

All these doesn’t mean I am betraying this place that’s providing me. No! I respect and love this country for the opportunities it gave me and the freedom it bequeathed on me. But my place is always my own. Here I am a stranger, a tourist in an unknown land, who came to seek the gold pot at the end of the rainbow. 

It’s said, you don't realize the value of something unless u lose it. Here I didn't lose anything, rather, gained knowledge of the love and passion I have for my land. The land which provided space for every mood swings of mine. 

My country may not be perfect, but every time I touch her soil, she fills me with so much of happiness and peace and at that moment everything in the world looks so possible. And I believe that’s what makes a hometown always special and close to heart. And no matter how far I go, at the end of the day I’ll be coming to back to her itself, to be at peace. 


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Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Been together ...

“ The only person worthy of your love is not one who overstayed in the relationship without a single change, but one, who appeared like an angel, and used a single day to make a million change. ” 
 Michael Bassey Johnson

We humans cannot survive alone. We are social beings who need constant buzzing of other humans around us. We need our friends or family for consolation in grief, for support in distress, for expressing ourselves and for just been there. I am not a person who got  much of the self expressing gene in me. I prefer to grieve alone or to sort out my problems by myself. But on some days of life, we just need the assurance that someone is actually there for us. Someone is looking after us. And that’s when friends and family comes in picture.

Student life for us is a total carefree life. Nothing can wrong for us then. Life looks so possible and full of hopes. And it was no different for me and my friends too. But one morning I woke up to an inbox full of messages and lots of missed calls saying that one of my best friends met with an accident and didn’t survive it. He was living in another city and was just back home for a week. It was only the previous day I spend time with him and the next day I woke up to hear his demise. That was one moment when even tears failed to acknowledge their presence. The moment when you feel so awake yet felt dreaming. That day itself his family arranged for his final rituals, and I have never seen something like that before. Losing a person is sad, but when that person is very young, it’s just terrible.

The next day, I left for class, even when I didn’t had the energy or mind. But been at home and engulfing in grief was more than I could handle. So escaping into the cheerfulness of campus was the only way. I went early that day, because I needed that time to compose myself before my gang came and start consoling me. But when I reached, saw the least expected person. He was one person who never reached class before the lecture starts. And here he was now, an hour before the college time. He was sitting at his usual place as if waiting for me, to assure me of his friendship and companionship. That moment I realized, I may have lost one friend to the past, but there are still some more beautiful friends around me to ensure my happiness and smiles.  And for a long time, wherever I went he was somewhere around the scene, maybe to make sure I was fine.  Also should add, that was the only day he reached class before me in all the four years of our college life. 

We both have our differences and fights, and we still show our attitude to each other for days. We are miles away and it’s been almost two years since we last saw each other. But it’s just a matter of a message or a miss call, and there ends our ego and we both know that no matter what, we are there for each other.  When there are friends and dear ones with us to hold our hands, or just to stand beside us during our not so good days, that itself gives us enough confidence to move on. And that’s the fragrance of friendship and strength of togetherness.


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Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Thankful Day of the Week - #5 Something Someone Gave You

A plane made by my Grandpa from bamboo. One day during his last days, he asked whether there’s something left to do from his promises to me. “Yes Grandpa. That airplane you promised to make for my Science fair.” In a day, when he felt a bit relieved, he made that plane and taught me the concepts behind it. And after three days he left us. It was his last battle, a proof for his endurance against all odds. That’s the best gift someone ever gave me. He gave his last few hours entirely to me. He gave me some of his time and left. – Ashwin Manalil Koshy. (Memories shared by a Friend)

Materialistic things don’t bring you happiness all the time. If we look at the moments when we were happy, mostly it will be for those tiny tot things in life, which we have always taken for granted. For me also, it’s time. Time others gave me from their life. Time they spend with me. Time they kept aside just for me, and allowed to make some beautiful memories. Our time is precious. So when we set them aside to be with someone, then they are important to us in one way or the other.

And I am grateful to all the people in my life till date, who gave even a second of their time to me. But doing that, they gave me a part of their life and for me that’s the biggest gift one could bestow upon me.

To my family, who gave up all the time of their life for me. To a friend who let me spend some beautiful time with him before he left, so when I miss him today, I actually feel happy that I got at least some moments to make memories with him. Another one, who lovingly wastes his time for me even when he’s buried with work, when I’m bored. Or the one who tolerates my non-stop WhatsApp messages. My brother, who willingly hears all my insanities. My cousin, who patiently answers all my illogical questions about life. My blogger friends who gives up their time to read my space. I am grateful to all of them. All those I have met till date... Thanks to all the wonderful people. Thank you for making me part of your life. 

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. -  Rick Warren

Monday, March 9, 2015

To All ...

Dear World,

That morning I woke up feeling happy, yet a bit lazy too. It was the last day of my vacation and the next day I was supposed to start my internship. All those years of hard work and midnight lanterns have finally given me the two letters I earned for line. Dr. And now after this internship, I can actually practice my profession. Can make my parents proud. Gain them back what all they gave up for my studies.

But one night movie with a male friend changed my life; in fact ended my life and dreams. If only I didn’t get into that bus, if only I had called a cab or just walked... I would have been still alive. The moment I stepped inside the bus, I knew something is not right. Maybe from the way those men stared at us, or the way they talked to my friend. But never in my dream had I thought they would actually dare to touch me. And touch me and crawl on me where all. I wanted to be doctor, to ease the pain of others. But I was forced to undergo such pain, I didn’t even realize existed. Never in life had I felt that humiliated and vulnerable. Never before I wanted just to lose conscious and not know what these so called humans were doing to me. After hours ... after they have done with me ... they tossed us out of the bus like some trash. Not even once, considering us as fellow humans.And when those abusers acted inhumane, the passersby acted cruelly. They just ignored to see us. I am actually glad I’m no more living in that world, where no one is bothered about anyone. No one cares about others pain or sufferings.

But I forgive them. I forgive those 6 men who shattered my life and led me through heart wrenching pains and gave my parents lifelong loss. I forgive those passersby who ignored us and who could have helped us if they had a bit of humanity in them. But how could I forgive people who actually had the nerve to point their fingers on me for been abused. How could I forgive them for telling the world that going out with a male friend after dark is against our culture? How could I forgive the rapist who said that I woman shouldn’t have fought back when she’s raped? But I should have been silent and allowed them to do whatever they want to do with my body. They say Indian culture is the best culture. And without missing a beat they also said that in the best culture there’s no place for women. I wonder how a man who said he would put petrol on her and set her alight, actually be called a father. No woman wants someone to address her as a gem or diamond or a soft flower. But she just wants to be treated equal or at least in a respected way.  She just wants to live in a country where she is not accused of been the victim, where she have the right to sue the people who ruptured her life or where the public figures of the country don't have the nerve to insult women in public and gain popularity for the same. We just want to live our life, they way we want and not the way the society implies us.

I am happy now. I am happy that I don’t have to worry about what I’ll have to wear in order not provoke men. Glad that I don’t have to stand in front a mirror and check from all the angles to see whether my skin is been exposed. Relieved that I don’t have to fear the dark and the ferocious animals that roam around at that night waiting to prowl on me. I am in a happier place where men and women are just beautiful souls. And if ever I’ll have another life, I just wish to be born into world were a human being is treated and seen with humanity and concern. 

Peace to all.

And stay strong and together in love.


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Saturday, March 7, 2015

Thankful Day of the Week - #4 A Family Member

Not just a family member… but so many family members I am grateful for. A bunch of crazy people… My Cousins! Yes. All of them. They make all the special days more special, all the secrets more gossipy, all the tears more bearable, all crazy stuffs more crazy, all family secrets much more interesting … Oh! How I miss them now.

"They understand the ins and outs of said dysfunctional family from which you all come, and you either have the exact same opinions on who is crazy and who is not or it’s your parents who are accusing one another of insanity in which case you avoid the issue altogether."

Cousins are always the one who tag along with you in all your decisions. It’s their marriage you look up to the most, and plan ahead for years, their child who you pamper and love the most. I am so so so grateful for all my cousins. They always make my world so beautiful and fun. Love you crazy bunch. And I miss you like anything.