Unsend Letter - To Best friend...

Dear Best Friend aka Favorite Cousin,

Howdy? :D … You still have not whatsapped me your gown pic. Yea, know it has been send for alternation, but still the curiosity is bubbling like anything. We have been cousins from birth, but it took 15 years for us to know each other well and become friends best friends. And after that there was no looking back.

I seriously don’t know what to write to you, except for the same thing I have told/written to you many times. You are someone I could never replace for anything in life. You have known me right from my teenage day’s tantrums to my dovey love phase to the so-called adult stage. And should say, you are the only one I didn’t mind sharing my room with.  You are one who could take no nonsense from me when say I’m fine when I actually am in a very crappy mood. We have always as every sisters planned this and that and everything that has to done together for our weddings. Now when you are in real going to get married in less than a week, I couldn’t even toast that drink for you. Missed going for elaborate wedding shopping’s, gossip sections, freaking out moments, should-I-do-this days to everything. And I hate myself for having to miss your D-day and see how gorgeous and happy you look. Sorry for that! Sometimes circumstances and situations don’t come our way. People like you are the best gift a person could ask for in a lifetime. Someone who we are so sure to be there for anything and nothing. Someone to whom we could be so blunt with and who no matter what won’t leave your side.

Wherever you go, I’ll be always there to bug you with my, “Are you happy?” or “Idiot, I miss roaming out with you.” phrases. And you better stay so happy in life, because I can’t stand a sad You.

I miss spending time with you, especially now.

Love you tons and loads.

~S.

- A Letter A Week, hosted by Nibha -

Dear M,

This is my first open letter to you in all these years. Don't know what made me write this. Maybe the feeling of 'lemme get it out there' or arrogantly opening up myself in my own public space.

Actually how's you up there? I have written to you numerous times and I know you have obviously read all those. Who knows u better? 

It's going to be five years since we met and four since you went. I read somewhere that it's always proper to use death or died than using insinuations for it. Even I prefer the same in my case. But till date, with all these years behind I couldn't bring myself into saying so, but 'm going to try doing so from now on.

After you died, I admit that I felt terrible, in fact destroyed. You just died off like that even without a warning sign and it was a hard core hit right on the face. I became quite than ever, but came out from that sulken face too damn fast. Life did move on, but felt like some automated version. Nothing made sense esp when had to encounter those huge photographs of yours in and around the campus. It felt like you were all around the place when you were actually just an  alumni till yesterday. And I never knew you had soo much of female fan followers..... I admit 'm jealous. Big Deal!

I gave up soo much I loved, esp the relation I had with God. I felt so betrayed and cheated, I couldn't even look at their faces. But now I know that if it wasn't for God, I could have missed knowing you. Through you I got an awesome second family who I could rely upon anything and a sister who's soo much like a lil one.

I am sorry for those nights I cried to sleep. But I did hold up in front of others esp when was with your aunt and sis. And thanks for all those random conversations we had and those I imagined up in my head and dreams. And thanks for letting us know that you are still watching all of us from there and no one is spared from your looks. ;)

Life is going on. Actually nothing have changed much except the vaccum feeling  at times I get deep down when I think that you are no more visibly here. Or the insanity when my mind stubbornly wants to talk to you. It was not easy to adjust with you dieing. But now I'm dealing with it far better, but it took me such a period.

You may not be here physically. But the moments we shared and the moments you gave others is definitely here. And that's one reason you are still missed and loved even more even now.

In between you had to call K too. I know, you might been getting bored there and other than that nut case who's the better option.

I still miss you, in fact both of you guys. But everyone's doing every possible big and little acts to keep you peoples' spirit alive. So it's like you both are still living invisibly between us and no one is ready to let you go.

You taught me to appreciate small small things in life and to be happy for the moment. So, in every moments you're remembered. I love you loads and will do forever. You are that chapter in my life that I reread always. And this is not something written out of despair but I just want you to be here in this space of mine. And going to do this more often.

Till the next letter loads of love and hugs.

P.S. Stop been the naughty guy there too. And if you ever come across Saddam Hussain, tell I'm great fan of his. (Ok. I'm done with my fan worship. Now stop rolling your eyes. :P)

Take care

Me.

Friend!

 

A friend is a person with whom you dare to be yourself – Anonymous

 

 

Yea, a friend is someone with whom we are our true self. With whom you let down all your guards. With whom you never have to worry how you look, how your clothes, make-up or hair or nails is. You just have to be yourself. You can say whatever that comes in your mind without even thinking once. He does not want to you be better or worse. He just wants you to be genuinely you. He’s the kind of person you can tell anything to, no matter how bad, how obscene or how inane, they'll still love you, because they know you. You can bitch him, shout at him, fight with him, make him angry, irritate him but at the end of the day you are there for each other. He will do everything to wreck your nerves, but will never let anyone else hurt you. A friend is always a blessing.

Treasure all those who knows your naked soul.

“Two a.m.' He swallowed, then said, "You know. The person you can call at two a.m. and, no matter what, you can count on them. Even if they're asleep or it's cold or you need to be bailed out of jail...they'll come for you. It's like, the highest level of friendship.” ― Sarah Dessen

 

P.S. God Blez all friends.


 

Moments makes happy Memories.

Small small things make you happy and leave a smile on your face!

A book as a gift from a friend, unexpected visit of another one at work, "Miss you" message from the least expected ... all these make my day. And I appreciate every small things that makes me smile, even if it's just for an instant. But, not until recently.

There was a time, when someone did all the insane things just to see me smiling, and even when I know the trouble he took for that, I never expressed my appreciation. It's not that I was not happy and grateful for what he did, but it never occurred to me, that, expressing it might have made him smile too.

At times I wonder why you came to my life for such a short time ... but guess it was to let me understand that these small things make life beautiful.

Appreciate what you have before it's gone. What you have today might not be yours tomorrow. - Anonymous

P.S. I miss you and I appreciate every word, deeds, silence, smiles, happiness and love you gave me.


God Blez.

Ending up??!!??

When I was in my second year of college, a senior committed suicide. The reason was she couldn't cope up with her father’s death. He was a cancer patient. So the moment she came to know that he failed to cancer she took her life. When I heard this, didn't even feel a pinch of sadness for her. My version was she didn't have the right to take her life when she had a Mom and a lil sister to take care of. But she was her Dad’s gal and it destroyed her world.

After one year of this incident I understood with full depth what made her do so. When I encountered something like hers I came to know the emotions she might have gone through then. The feeling of feeling so lost and not knowing how to move forward without that person who was supposed to be with you all through your life. It’s the difficulty of accepting the fact that they are no longer a visible part of your life, but more over a belief above your head. Taking yourself away from all these seems to be a better option than seeing your dear one lifeless. Going through life without them might be more painful than not living.

I never had any sort if sympathy to those who took their life by themselves because of emotional problems, death in family, debt or whatever the reason be. But maybe the amount of loneliness or breath taking pain made them do that. The thought of ending everything up in a moment than enduring this pain lifelong might have triggered them to put that extra leg forward. People find answers in self-killing when the individual simply can't handle the pain any longer. Do you not think they are in not in extreme anguish about leaving this world and their loved one? That they are not aware of the hurt that will be caused? But the pain is simply more than they can bear.

I am never justifying suicide and never will, and still voice that it’s not the solution and believe it is nothing less than murder. Facing problems brings out the solution and gives you courage. But i also thin it’s not a selfish act, it's just a person does not know where to turn next… But when they decide to have eternal peace they are pushing their dear ones to lifelong agony. that's the price they are paying for their last freedom.

When a human being does something like this, the pain he would have gone through right before the moment of taking such a decision would be enormous. And everyone, well almost most of us, at some point or the other would have thought of ending up everything in a moment. So before criticizing someone who made that mistake just think about what they have gone through and remember them in your prayers. They were certainly brave people, but not strong enough to bear. 

P.S. Senior of mine, hope you find happiness with your Dad up there. Stay happy and peaceful. You are loved and remembered by many every day.

God Blez.

Miss you. Always.

Three years.!!!!

Three years of stillness. Soo much have changed... right from the surroundings to people to life itself. But the vaccum you left in us, remains the same... even at the moment.

The intensity of missing you got deeper as years went, but never any less. No days pass by without wishing you to be here.

Just.......... Tak care.

Love you.
God Blez.




P.S.On your Third year in heaven !!!

FrOzEn Up!!!!!!

!!  SUNDAY   !!

............ Wow ...........She was full of smiles..... :) :) ........

Her favorite day and today there's something more to it.. She’s going to meet him after some long months and a never ending week... ufff!! At last!!! He made her miss him loads.

She was smiling to herself even during the morning mass.. Wanted time to fly now but it should drag when they are together... Yea she knew she was selfish. But who cares.

She was so deeply, madly in love with him that she really wished she could stop time when she was with him, so she could stay with him forever.

My phone started humming breaking the thread of my day dreams. Him!

H:  'm coming.

S:  Meet you at our old place   (All smiles)

Got ready... and was out within seconds. When was nearing the destination laddus were blasting in her mind… But why? She was not seeing him for the first time ... hmm… but felt so…

So many thoughts flashed through ...right from their first meeting... first proper date... falling in love... talks... Craziness and everything.

She never knew why she loved him? Never know why she felt so incomplete without him. He always made her world better... Always make her feel so special that she just glowed!!

Now enough of day dreaming… Hey!

Where was he? Late... hmm may be those stupid traffic.. Or last minute friends.... hmm... wait ......waiting......and she would wait till then end for him. She thought.

5... 10... 20... 30... 45minz!!! Still no sign of him...

Someone attended his mobile when she called, and said something and all which didn’t make any sense at all and only certain words striked her like lightning... Car... Accident... Hospital...!!

That was the instant she realized that smiles do vanish that fast... Don’t even know where her tears went. Helpless... Fearsome... her heart never beated so fast... She was shivering.... nothing made sense... became totally function less!!

She didn't knew what to do, or how to know what happened. Some how called up her friend and told him to enquire what’s happening.

The time she prayed, hoped everything was all right.

But.... NO... it was not...!

She mobile beeped again. She heard what her friend on the other end of the line was saying but couldn’t really resurface from the depth of the news. Prayed that it was just a nightmare that when she open her eyes again she could realize that it was just a dream and it dint happen to him.

Prayed that at least the clock could run back... the time could turn back... but it didn’t.. she hoped to wake up from her sleep... Alas! It was indeed a bad dream but which turned out to b a REALITY!!

A brutal ... A life changing ...  A killing Reality!!

Something which changed everything for her...

It was like somebody ran an ice dagger through her heart.

Don’t know how got back to her hideout.. Don’t know how I survived in dos four walls.. Never wanted that night to set... never wanted the sun rays to shine ever again... Because along with d rays she would lose him... she was going to see him again... the one which got postponed today because of the unexpected appointment with the one above us.

Going to see him, her birthday partner who left her all alone even without a word... to his place where she wanted to step-in with him... to see his people... whom she wanted to be a part of... but now.... with a hope of seeing that smile he promised her... who made her smile for his craziness... for his love... who made her sad... who made her cry... who made her feel too special... who said "I trust you more than I love you"... who could smile just to see her smile... who made her miss him too much even when he was so near.... who tolerated her only because it was just her ... and ... now who made her FREEZE with his forever vanishing act !!!!!!

In a day all her dreams, wishes, happiness, smiles, hopes.....everything was buried..... With him…