Dear M,

This is my first open letter to you in all these years. Don't know what made me write this. Maybe the feeling of 'lemme get it out there' or arrogantly opening up myself in my own public space.

Actually how's you up there? I have written to you numerous times and I know you have obviously read all those. Who knows u better? 

It's going to be five years since we met and four since you went. I read somewhere that it's always proper to use death or died than using insinuations for it. Even I prefer the same in my case. But till date, with all these years behind I couldn't bring myself into saying so, but 'm going to try doing so from now on.

After you died, I admit that I felt terrible, in fact destroyed. You just died off like that even without a warning sign and it was a hard core hit right on the face. I became quite than ever, but came out from that sulken face too damn fast. Life did move on, but felt like some automated version. Nothing made sense esp when had to encounter those huge photographs of yours in and around the campus. It felt like you were all around the place when you were actually just an  alumni till yesterday. And I never knew you had soo much of female fan followers..... I admit 'm jealous. Big Deal!

I gave up soo much I loved, esp the relation I had with God. I felt so betrayed and cheated, I couldn't even look at their faces. But now I know that if it wasn't for God, I could have missed knowing you. Through you I got an awesome second family who I could rely upon anything and a sister who's soo much like a lil one.

I am sorry for those nights I cried to sleep. But I did hold up in front of others esp when was with your aunt and sis. And thanks for all those random conversations we had and those I imagined up in my head and dreams. And thanks for letting us know that you are still watching all of us from there and no one is spared from your looks. ;)

Life is going on. Actually nothing have changed much except the vaccum feeling  at times I get deep down when I think that you are no more visibly here. Or the insanity when my mind stubbornly wants to talk to you. It was not easy to adjust with you dieing. But now I'm dealing with it far better, but it took me such a period.

You may not be here physically. But the moments we shared and the moments you gave others is definitely here. And that's one reason you are still missed and loved even more even now.

In between you had to call K too. I know, you might been getting bored there and other than that nut case who's the better option.

I still miss you, in fact both of you guys. But everyone's doing every possible big and little acts to keep you peoples' spirit alive. So it's like you both are still living invisibly between us and no one is ready to let you go.

You taught me to appreciate small small things in life and to be happy for the moment. So, in every moments you're remembered. I love you loads and will do forever. You are that chapter in my life that I reread always. And this is not something written out of despair but I just want you to be here in this space of mine. And going to do this more often.

Till the next letter loads of love and hugs.

P.S. Stop been the naughty guy there too. And if you ever come across Saddam Hussain, tell I'm great fan of his. (Ok. I'm done with my fan worship. Now stop rolling your eyes. :P)

Take care

Me.