Life is about living not fearing...

I have always thought, I was never afraid of  anything. I was am a tomboy who is ready to try anything new or different. I am not afraid of heights or darkness. I never had stage fright or meeting new people. I was not afraid of exams thou when results are to be announced I could feel my butterflies waking from their sleep in my tummy. But that’s normal! Years of boarding life, made me love hostel life, so no fear in moving away from family too. I love speed and no amounts of accidents, or bruised knees or arms could keep me away from riding my two-wheeler or car. I thought I was scared of cockroaches, but 12^th grade Biology practical’s forced me to catch them alive, drug them and dissect them. And to my horror I was good in that and I loved doing that! So there ended my cockroach fear too.

Pic Credits: Google Images

So there I was living gloriously thinking that I don’t have fear for anything. But that came to end when I realized that I was afraid to get hurt emotionally. When life is going very happily and eventfully with friends and close ones as any other normal college going girl, with a pinch of “everything is perfect no one can make it imperfect attitude”, I lost a dear friend of my in an accident. And that was a blow to my arrogance. That made me conscious that life is not predictable. Anything can happen to you, me or the person next door. His going away, made me realize that I, who thought was not afraid of anything, was actually dreading his absence. I was not ready to accept the person who was with you this moment would never be visible again. I couldn’t accept that he won’t be there when we organize a reunion after 10 years. I took that fact so deeply and started to withdraw from everyone. I was in an impression that, if you’re not close to anyone, no one can hurt you. I literally closed down myself, and kept everyone at a safe distance.

Like someone said, God always have his own ways to do something, and that will be weirdest way ever. When I thought no one or nothing could hurt me if I stayed away from people, God proved me wrong in the most unacceptable way. I lost yet another friend of mine to death. And that was one hard blow to my head. I was hurt like before. Maybe more, thinking that I could have made much more memories with this one, if only I had permitted myself. When we buried him, I buried my stay-away-stay-happy attitude too. Now I know, no matter what you do, no matter how you live your life, people come and go in your life. Some are just meant to stay for a while, and some for long. However, when each person leaves you by choice or by chance, you will feel sad or deeply hurt. And you’ll definitely miss that person. But if you chose to live the time you had with that one happily, making memories and do what you want, then you are making yourself and the other person happy too.

Today I am not afraid of losing people, because I know when they move away from my life, I have given them some memories of “us” to take with them. That thought itself, makes me happy today. Like they say "Dhar ke aage jeet hai" .... and happiness too. 

   Pic Credits: Google Images

This post is written for  Indiblogger's prompt "Rise Above Fear"  By Mountain Dew. 
#RiseAboveFear

Forgotten Memories

Memories are the gifts we earn from our life. They have an ability to make us cry and smile at any time of the day or night. Thou we keep telling people to live in the present rather than pondering the past, all of us, absolutely all of us, at some time or the other, switched off all the sound and craziness of our present day and just flipped back to our older moments. That moment which made us smile, or cry or feel special, loved or that moment of grief… Anything and everything that happens in our life is been recorded by our mind. And we knowingly or unknowingly chose to forget some, ignore some, and block the rest.

I don’t remember the day I was born, but I have no doubt it’s been deeply engraved in my Mom’s mind. I don’t remember my first day of school, but my Dad might never forget that. I remember my first friend, even thou I have no idea where he is now. I remember the pampering from my Dad, thou I tend to ignore my Mom’s scoldings. I remember the day when Dad said goodbye when he dropped me in boarding school for the first time. I could still hear my Mom’s voice over the phone telling that I am going to be a sister. I still flinch in pain from the burned skin I got while ironing my friend’s dress but lying to her when she asked what happened because I didn't want her to feel bad. That naughtiness when friends decided to make maggi in the dressing room when our warden went out. I would still feel tense thinking about my first boards. The embarrassment I felt after wearing the saree for the first time for farewell.  I remember the day before the boards results were to be announced asking Dad, whether it was OK if I failed and feeling happy the next day to see my Dad proud after the results came. Can picture the first day of college so perfectly. First bunch of friends. Still can feel the butterflies in my stomach when I saw my crush for the first time… Ufff! I wanted to just turn around and walk. But still put on a brave face and talked to him. Feels the same emotions over and over again when I think about the moment I heard the death of a friend. The numbness when had to see his lifeless body. The proud satisfaction after completing an event successfully with friends. The lost moment when left hometown. The happiness to touch its ground on vacations… The sheer bliss when I step into my childhood room after years.

All these are just mere moments of everyday life. But it is my life. They made me who I am today. If I am bold, moments in my past made me so. If I am sensitive, I had faced some hard paths. If I am jovial, there were moments of laughter in my past. If I am a caring person, I was cared before and want to reciprocate that to others. If I love to travel, I have discovered the happiness of exploring in my yesterdays. If I have so many friends, I enjoyed having people around. If I chose to have few friends, then I might had some bitter experience in friendship. 

I believe that everything we are in this moment is because of what we were till the previous moment and how each incidents and people in our life have affected us. "Let it go" is just a way of storing that memory at the farthest place… but still it’s stored but not deleted. 

I guess or rather believe no one can actually forget their memories, unless and until a memory itself wants to be forgotten. Like the writer, Haruki Murakami quoted, "No matter how much suffering you went through, you never wanted to let go of those memories."

Open up yourself before returning back.

An old woman died after living a full life. So when it was time to engrave a wording about her life on her gave, no one knew what to write. Thou she lived a full time, she didn’t do anything much. So an elder person in that group suggested a quote, which everyone agreed wholeheartedly. And that was, “Returned Unopened.” 

One day when we die, do we want others to even consider thinking like this about us? Personally, no. I wish to be that person who could leave this world, making a difference to atleast one. It can be my family, kids or a complete stranger. I have seen people near and far pass away. And I have seen some people been remembered even after years of their demise and some forgotten after days. I don’t want my dear ones to cry when my time comes but I want them to miss me in a genuine way.

All of us are loaded with so much of goodness. Even the most horrible person will have something good in him. But usually we are so tuned into ourselves, everything that happens and anything we do revolve around our happiness and our good life. Not once, we look beside us to that individual who might need a shoulder to lean. Not once we notice well in a stranger before criticizing him. Not once we pay for a coffee for that homeless.

There’s only one more month to complete the book of 2014. Fill it up with gratitude, good deeds and happy moments, rather than complaints, whines and grudges. 

Happy December to all my dear friends. Stay blessed, happy and grateful for this moment. 

From the Past...

I miss those Saturdays when I tossed away my blanket and run right to the hall, switch on my favorite channel and snuggled in my favorite sofa. Or those days when I could fake a stomach ache just because I didn’t feel like going to school. Actually I never did that. I loved going to school. And if by any chance I didn’t want to go, mom allowed me to stay back. Or crying the day before my Geography exam because I had so much to study and just a few hours and then mom says it ok if you flunk write whatever you know (That was the only time she was cool about flunking L). And the happiness when the scores came, for I actually did a good job. Or eagerly waiting for the summer holidays, so I could fly to Dad and be with him for whole two months. Or days hours I went on a hunger strike because I wanted a computer. Or the board exam fear. Or the phone calls from my best friend the night before the exam to do that last minute combine studies. Or the moments when J and I exchanged those Sidney Sheldon books which were paper wrapped because we were still too young to read them. Or the day when mom forcefully made me do a confession to our Priest when I questioned my Christian beliefs after reading Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code. Or the hours spend in school library bunking Hindi lectures. Or the hard work done in organizing a Science Expo or a school event and the fun we had and blunders we did. Or mimicking the accent of the new North Indian Nuns not knowing that eventually we’ll also be speaking in that very same accent. Or been melodramatic about the farewell and the first saree. Or that rainy last day of school when I roamed around the premises, cherishing all the nook and corners with my best friend.

I miss those innocent days of childhood. Then it was more of living but now it’s more of surviving.

But I am grateful for those days of wonder years. They still make me smile and taught me to see dreams.

So what was your wonder years like? Do share the fun and happy moments.

Allow Them To Live their Life.

A young man ended his life, because he couldn’t cope up with the pressure his studies demanded. He was a writer by heart. But his father wanted him to be an IITian, which he became. But not for long. And even now, his father lives in agony for his loss. Another girl, wanted to be a pilot, she dreamed about flying, and exploring new places. But she ended up in a Med School. After two years in school, she was admitted in the psychiatry department for severe depression.

“Follow your heart.” … something we often hear from all the successful people. But are we actually letting our children to follow their own dreams.  Yes, a percentage is… but majority are not. I am an engineer, by chance. And should say I never hated another profession the way I hate this one. And I have worked only less than a year in it. After that I couldn’t take it anymore. Not saying that it’s not a good profession, but I am not a good engineer. I believe engineering is the backbone of the world. And you should be passionate enough to be in that, which I am not. 

Every time when a parent decides something in their child’s life, one sentence they never fail to say is, “This is for your own good. I want you to have a good life.” But when are they going to understand that for a good life, happiness is the most important thing. I don’t believe that money can bring happiness. And if you’re not happy with your work, your work doesn’t even bring you the money or fame you deserve.

There are travelers now, who earn their bread and butter just through travelling the world and living their dream. But does any parent accept that as a profession. No! We have to fight for that, go against their wishes and show that this can be a dream job. And then they might give us a good smile. But why so much hungama? You gave birth to them, you bought them up, and you taught all the good things, to choose what is right and understand what is wrong. If you have complete faith in your upbringing or in your child, let him follow his heart. He may make mistakes, but he’ll learn from that. He might fall down trying, but he’ll get up again. But he will be happy doing this. At the end of the day he’ll be satisfied with the work and life he has and every morning he’ll be pleased to do the same.

There are people who are all ready to follow the crowd, but there are other people who want to make their own path. Let them do that. Just don’t hold them back to follow the everyday crowd. In the long run, these rebels will make everyone proud.  

Once ...

There was once a little girl, who was always happy. She lived her life the way she wanted. Every morning her day started with loads of love, smiles and happiness. She went to school, took lessons, studied hard, played with her friends and was the apple of her parents’ and eyes.

One fine afternoon while she was coming home from school singing and laughing, a wolf jumped in front of her. She, who was a friend of every human and beast in her village didn’t feel any fear. But this wolf, jumped upon her, torn her clothes, ripped her soul apart and left her there… all alone. She didn’t understand what happened or why this happened to her. But she knew something bad and cruel was what she went through. She didn’t know why the wolf didn’t kill her but left her behind giving all the pains.  She passed out and lye there until someone came and recognized and informed her parents.

No one saw her laughing after that. No one allowed their children to visit her or take her to school again. Every parent blamed her for been a wild child who was insanely happy and carefree.  According to them it was her fault. She shouldn’t have laughed so loudly, talked kindly to everyone, or just been helpful to all. It was her fault that she was good. Her fault, that she was pretty and unaware of that. Her fault, that she didn’t hide behind her duppata and made herself invisible. No one, for once blamed the wolf for snatching away her happiness from her. No one for once said, it was ok, let it go. Wherever she went, everyone looked down at her. In a few hours she became the untouched from the lovable child.

She didn’t know what to do, whom to approach or who will listen to her woes. She couldn’t bare the looks of the world, who were undressing her just by their stares. She felt more humiliated. One fine morning, she wore the best clothes, hugged her family put the brightest smile on her face, went inside the farthest and darkest room in her house, and closed the door... never to open again.

Hey You,

Yeah, you itself. Not the young you or the old one. Just you. The present one. Two days ago you were asking yourself and all around you, what’s all about life? Why are we born? Isn’t life too monotonous? If we are meant to live a routine life then why are we born?

Personally for me life is all about been happy. Been lovable. Having people around you who makes you feel special and in turn who you love like anything. Living life is all about been good to others, been there for them when they least expect but wish they had someone.

For me life is coming back home doing that job you love so much. Feeling happy and content from the satisfaction you get when you do your job. Living life is having the courage to dropdown everything when you feel tied up, choked, and packs that bag to breathe some fresh air. Life is having people who understand you so well, that you don’t have to explain yourself, for them to accept your weirdness or imperfections. It’s all about having that chocolate bar, you’re not supposed to have, but you want to have. Life is like hearing that song repeatedly for the hundredth time, just because you love the sound of it. Seeing that movie for the last time again, even when you know all the scenes by heart just because you love the actor so much. Life is all about been alive. Alive doesn’t mean just breathing. It means breathing because you want to. Living life is falling in love with that imperfect person because you can’t just not fall in love with him, even when he’s not made for you.

Life is all about repetitions in a different way. It’s monotonous yet so adventurous. It’s a planned routine, but no two days are alike. Life is all about embracing everything and making that extra path to happiness.

If something is making you unhappy, change that. If something is making you sulk, change that. If your life itself is making you sad, change yourself and make your life happy.

Whatever happens, be happy in life. Because everything is all about your smiles.

Yours,

Me.