Forgotten Memories

Memories are the gifts we earn from our life. They have an ability to make us cry and smile at any time of the day or night. Thou we keep telling people to live in the present rather than pondering the past, all of us, absolutely all of us, at some time or the other, switched off all the sound and craziness of our present day and just flipped back to our older moments. That moment which made us smile, or cry or feel special, loved or that moment of grief… Anything and everything that happens in our life is been recorded by our mind. And we knowingly or unknowingly chose to forget some, ignore some, and block the rest.

I don’t remember the day I was born, but I have no doubt it’s been deeply engraved in my Mom’s mind. I don’t remember my first day of school, but my Dad might never forget that. I remember my first friend, even thou I have no idea where he is now. I remember the pampering from my Dad, thou I tend to ignore my Mom’s scoldings. I remember the day when Dad said goodbye when he dropped me in boarding school for the first time. I could still hear my Mom’s voice over the phone telling that I am going to be a sister. I still flinch in pain from the burned skin I got while ironing my friend’s dress but lying to her when she asked what happened because I didn't want her to feel bad. That naughtiness when friends decided to make maggi in the dressing room when our warden went out. I would still feel tense thinking about my first boards. The embarrassment I felt after wearing the saree for the first time for farewell.  I remember the day before the boards results were to be announced asking Dad, whether it was OK if I failed and feeling happy the next day to see my Dad proud after the results came. Can picture the first day of college so perfectly. First bunch of friends. Still can feel the butterflies in my stomach when I saw my crush for the first time… Ufff! I wanted to just turn around and walk. But still put on a brave face and talked to him. Feels the same emotions over and over again when I think about the moment I heard the death of a friend. The numbness when had to see his lifeless body. The proud satisfaction after completing an event successfully with friends. The lost moment when left hometown. The happiness to touch its ground on vacations… The sheer bliss when I step into my childhood room after years.

All these are just mere moments of everyday life. But it is my life. They made me who I am today. If I am bold, moments in my past made me so. If I am sensitive, I had faced some hard paths. If I am jovial, there were moments of laughter in my past. If I am a caring person, I was cared before and want to reciprocate that to others. If I love to travel, I have discovered the happiness of exploring in my yesterdays. If I have so many friends, I enjoyed having people around. If I chose to have few friends, then I might had some bitter experience in friendship. 

I believe that everything we are in this moment is because of what we were till the previous moment and how each incidents and people in our life have affected us. "Let it go" is just a way of storing that memory at the farthest place… but still it’s stored but not deleted. 

I guess or rather believe no one can actually forget their memories, unless and until a memory itself wants to be forgotten. Like the writer, Haruki Murakami quoted, "No matter how much suffering you went through, you never wanted to let go of those memories."