Friday, September 22, 2017

Not Sad, Just Empty.

These mornings I wake up with a sinking feeling in my pit. 
I feel like heavy weights been kept on my shoulders and knees. As if something is pulling me down further into the folds of bed and not allowing me to get up. I am not sad, but just empty. Still, I wake up every day, fighting the invisible demons.
Yet the mornings feel blanched. When the cold shower hits my face and body, I feel cold and tears start rolling down my eyes making it indistinguishable from the water. But once the shower stops I could literally feel the demons, frustration and irritation, creeping down my feet to the top, as if some snake is crawling.
You know what I did?
I ignored. I went my way. I made myself busy. So busy that I didn't take time to breath.
And I kept doing this.
For hours initially,
Then for days.
For months. 
Today he said my face looked drained out. Said I lost the life I had in my smile. Said that he could see lines and wrinkles and before I could mention age, he denied. I laughed off. 
Is it the snake that causing me this? Did it reach my face when I kept myself busy ignoring its existence? Is it going to choke me? 
Is this how you failure feels like? 
Is it how giving up looks like?

She closed her child’s journal and sank under the bed-cover hoping for the sleep to embrace her. But the mind kept reminding her that tomorrow it’s going to be a year since she lost her child to those invisible demons.

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This is Post #6