Been Grateful...

Another month. A new one. And just two more months to go for New Year. Awe… how fast this time goes. September was a good month for me. Thou was hectic, thank God didn’t had to face with much downs. In personal phase… two of my favorite cousins got married and happily enjoying their honeymoon right now. And my nephew celebrated his first birthday. And in work phase… ticked off the initial step for new ventures. So a happy September it was.

It’s said that every morning we have to be grateful to God for a new day, a new beginning, a fresh start. Infact should be thankful to everyone around us for all that they do to make our life easy. Been grateful for your life, for the people who are there for you, for the tiny tot happy moments you get every day is a positive way to approach life. We know that life is not always fair, it can be so rude that there are moments of giving up we face. But when we realize that even the unfair life, shows love towards us by sending some people or moments, to make our day easier, every difficulty looks much lighter.

What am I grateful for in life?

Actually for everything. Everyone. Aren’t we all? Yes! But the realization hits way late, maybe when we miss someone or something. Till then, it’s all taken for granted.

I am grateful for every single soul (Living and death) who has been in my life till date.

Family. Cousins, who despite the distance and different paths taken in life, at the end of the day no matter what, leaves a message to mark their presence in my life.

Friends (Virtual and non-virtual). People who loved me the weird way I am. And also to those, who made me realize that no one is worth holding when you have to drop your standards for that.

My librarian back in school who did a major role in entitling the love for books in me. I am forever grateful to her. In lower grades, if she hadn’t allowed me to take those brand new books which were only meant for senior students, I won’t have been a bibliophile now. 

This blog, which happened on a midnight some years ago, when I was so frustrated and angry at life, and wanted to take that out on something or someone to remain sane but still didn’t want that scapegoat to be a living being. And double grateful for the friends who visit this space.

So welcoming October with a open heart, full of hope for a good month for everyone.

Things To Tick Off Before The Last Breath ...

1. Travel

I want to see, explore, and experience different culture, cuisines and everything new about all the (atleast most of the) countries in this world and esp. India. Even thou I would like to go with a friend or a dear one, some places are entirely reserved for solo travelling.

2. Learn

There are so many subjects I want to learn academically. But in between got diverted to things that never interested me. Now, took the initial step to the old road. Thou it is going to take almost another 10 years to reach there… I am on my way.

3. Adopt a Baby Girl

The day I hit 30 (if not married), going to write the application for this. If unfortunately I am married before that, I will make sure my man is in tune with this decision of mine. Therefore, whatever my relationship status will be, adopting a child tops the list.

4. Book Café

A cozy cave with so much of colors, lights and soothing music in the background. Nook and corners filled with bookracks. Hammocks, beanbags, couches, and common reading areas and also private spaces to those who want to hide from the crowd, party rooms. Lots of caffeine, beverages, chocolates, other sinful delights, some selected cuisines, laughter, smiles, memories etc etc etc .

5. Careers

Work for a Newspaper – I want to know how these papers work. How journalists give their best to write a story, how photographers hold their breath to capture that perfect shot, how all these are combined to form the bundle of paper we hold each day with a cup of coffee to know about the world.

Work for a NGO – MAD was the group who showed me that happiness doubles when you make another person happy, and triples if it is a child. Another event with the kids made me realize there are children who want to be heard, who seek companionship, just to be there for them, and to ensure that everything good is going to happen to them. When I was part of these tiny tot moments of them, the self-satisfaction I felt was so immense. And I want more of that. 

A teacher – No, I do not have the patience for this. Even an hour with my teenage brother along with his books, makes me scream, take a cane, blackmail him, pinch him, and makes me completely insane. So hours with students bearing all their acts is something above my tolerance level. But the way a teacher can touch a child’s life is magical. And atleast for once, I wish… I hope… I pray… I could be part of that magic.

6. Adventure

Sky diving/Paragliding/River drafting/Mountaineering/Scuba diving/etc etc …. These are things I intent to do when I pack my backpack and leave home to see the world. So when travelling is happening this is also definitely going to happen.

7. Live in New York

These days travelling to NY is not a big deal. But I don’t want to just visit that place and come back. It has always mesmerized me just by letting me know her through movies and books. I want to live there atleast for a year, be a part of everyday life in NY and want to know that place like the back of my hands.

8. My very own Library

This is one dream very bibliophile cherish. Same goes for me too. Imagine just opening that door in your house, when you are in need of a book. No driving. No shopping. No waiting. Nothing! Just take that book from the shelf, find a cozy corner, and curl up with a cup of cocoa and the book. Bliss!

9. Publish a Book

No… not my live story. A fiction? Not sure. But something.

10. Live life with no regrets

Waking up someday when I’m in my 60’s, 70’s or 80’s and realising that I didn’t live my life the way I wanted or didn’t see those places I dreamt of or didn’t read/see/experience that book/movie/show I so badly wanted too or didn’t take up that career I saw myself in or was too late to say “I love you” to someone or anything like that. Someone once said that peaceful death comes to those people who lived their dream life in their own terms. Therefore, that is the ultimate aim. 

*****

This is a topic seen in Indiblogger. 
These days’ bucketlists are incomplete without tags. So to make the story complete, I’m tagging Bhavya, Shalini, Meena, Shailaja & Gayatri  to share their 10 “must-do” things list. And anyone interested can take up too. Waiting to read all the list. :) 

Drabble

She was not born as a talented writer. But the love for words and stories determined her to be a writer. She felt alive when her nose is deep buried inside a book. When the time came to decide what to do with her life, she knew she wanted to change the world through her words just as Marthin Luther said. “If you want to change the world, pick up your pen and write.”

In college when her favorite professor quoted Ray Bradbury, “Just write everyday of your life. Read intensely. Then see what happens. Most of my friends who are put on that diet have very pleasant careers.” It became her motto for survival. And after years of reading, writing, getting rejected … today she’s going to publish her first book … her first step towards her dream career.

***

Linking this to Write Tribe 100 Words on Saturday Prompt.

Connect and Stay Together ...

Dear Son,

Happy Birthday to you!

You would have been 21 if you were still here, with us. Now as you are in a place where age is not a factor (believe so) you are still 20 and going to be that forever.

Yesterday we thought to celebrate your day, by getting your favorite cake. But didn’t have the strength to actually do that. How could we buy your favorite chocolate cake and have it without you near us? Arnav came home in the morning. He misses you. Said you were his best friend and no one else seems to be able to fill that position. I think no one can take someone else’s place in a person’s life. Whoever comes in my and your mom’s life, nothing can replace you, my son. No other relations gives us the joy that came from been your parents. But guess we never realized that before. Or we never made you realize that.

I never knew how unhappy you were with your life. When you moved on taking our dreams and leaving yours aside, I thought you were happy and made new dreams to fly after. I never saw that the smile had disappeared from your last two years photographs. Before that, all your pictures were filled with your warm smile. I never noticed all those status updates in your page, even when I have liked and commented in some. I thought it was the poetic side of yours, but never guessed even for a second that those were the exact thoughts you wanted to convey to me. I could not even grieve thinking you never told me anything. Because you did. In your own small ways.  But it was me who ignored them as if they were nothing. I am sorry dear son.

Now I remember you calling me to say how unhappy you felt there and how you find it very difficult to adjust. But when I told you to stay strong and it was my dream to see you coming out from there with excellence and not in failure, you said you are fine and going to be ok. I never realized that you were actually not fine and those words were just to calm me down. If only I heard you then. If only I took that extra step to hug you and listen to you, you would have been still here beside me. We miss you so much. The thought that if we had connected with you, if we had listened to your heart, talked to you, understood you … this letter wouldn’t be in my drafts, hoping that you would read this, from somewhere behind the clouds.

I love you my son. More than anything in this world or beyond.

Love,

Dad.

------

The above letter is purely fictional, thou inspired from something I read in a FB page. 

But, if ever you don’t want to write something like that to your child, better half, parents, siblings, friends or anyone near or far and save it in your drafts under the folder “Unsent Letters” … take that one step to connect with people around you. Not the now famous connect with likes or a one-word comment in a picture in FB/Whatsapp/Instagram/G+/countless other social networking sites, but in a real way. Talk to people who mean something to you, listen to them, and make sure they are happy and satisfied with their life.  

To end up your own life you need so much courage. Imagine cutting your wrist or jumping from that height or blasting up your head … doesn’t it gives a shiver down your spine just at the mere thought of these. Then think of those people who actually might have thought for days or maybe months for a way to end up their life. Those sleepless nights they might have spend hoping someone could actually see through their fake smile or listen to what they have to say. 

We never see the symptoms, or the signs people show us, in fact we ignore them knowingly. But once something bad happens, the regret is endless.  Parents’ never hear their children, children rarely open up to their parents, siblings often fail to be in touch, friends drift apart and everyone gets so busy in life that there’s no time for a second person. Not even to the one who’s living with you, shares your bed space and your life. Take some time from your busy schedule to actually be with your loved ones. Be there to hear out their fears, loneliness and just make them feel loved and wanted and secure. We can't bear losing our dear ones, then why not prevent that from happening. 

We are blogging for this cause at Write Tribe. Do read and spread the awareness. Thank You.

Unsend Letter - To Best friend...

Dear Best Friend aka Favorite Cousin,

Howdy? :D … You still have not whatsapped me your gown pic. Yea, know it has been send for alternation, but still the curiosity is bubbling like anything. We have been cousins from birth, but it took 15 years for us to know each other well and become friends best friends. And after that there was no looking back.

I seriously don’t know what to write to you, except for the same thing I have told/written to you many times. You are someone I could never replace for anything in life. You have known me right from my teenage day’s tantrums to my dovey love phase to the so-called adult stage. And should say, you are the only one I didn’t mind sharing my room with.  You are one who could take no nonsense from me when say I’m fine when I actually am in a very crappy mood. We have always as every sisters planned this and that and everything that has to done together for our weddings. Now when you are in real going to get married in less than a week, I couldn’t even toast that drink for you. Missed going for elaborate wedding shopping’s, gossip sections, freaking out moments, should-I-do-this days to everything. And I hate myself for having to miss your D-day and see how gorgeous and happy you look. Sorry for that! Sometimes circumstances and situations don’t come our way. People like you are the best gift a person could ask for in a lifetime. Someone who we are so sure to be there for anything and nothing. Someone to whom we could be so blunt with and who no matter what won’t leave your side.

Wherever you go, I’ll be always there to bug you with my, “Are you happy?” or “Idiot, I miss roaming out with you.” phrases. And you better stay so happy in life, because I can’t stand a sad You.

I miss spending time with you, especially now.

Love you tons and loads.

~S.

- A Letter A Week, hosted by Nibha -

Letter To My Younger Self

Dear Me of 16,

Awe…. It feels kind of weird writing letter to myself that too to a younger version.

Not asking how you doing, because I know at 16 you hated your school, that white and blue strips uniform and the complete different environment from the convent school you came from. But you had lots of dreams and ambitions and the urge to conquer the world. You had many friends who you know could hold your back no matter what and some are still here with me. But should warn you, that life doesn’t always turn out how you plan it. It has a mindset of its own, but influenced by our choices and walks. Never even in your dreams you would have thought that life in 10 years would be exactly opposite to what you wanted it to be now. But that's OK. Life is not always about perfection. Mistakes also play a role in it. And for your information, you’re going to screw up your boards just because you were so glued to Orkut and yahoo messenger, that got introduced to you, right before the exams. And No! Mom won’t let you take Literature/Psychology even when you get interview calls from all the colleges you applied. But in reverse, you will be accepted for Engineering even when you prayed hard not to get in. Cheers! That’s Life! 

Have you ever thought that guys are going to top your friends’ list? But it has. And do listen to them when said not to race them. Because I don’t appreciate all these scars and marks, it has caused on my hands and knees. And if you had half the stubbornness I have now, it would have benefited me. Now I have to do all the stubbornness and hear mom saying, “You were such a good girl back in school.” And stop writing all those crazy stuffs in your diary. Mom’s spying!

You will deal with love, heartbreaks, breakups, deaths and sorrows. And will actually learn the act of saying sorry and be good to others even when they are not, but obviously with an annoying face inside. And that dream of living far away from home is still a dream. Tough luck in that till date. So better, start dreaming about something else.

You are going to meet some beautiful souls in your life. Some are meant to stay for long, and some just pays a visit. However, they are going to be valuable for you for the time, memories and the lessons they taught you. So overall life is different from what you assumed but yet not so boring. There' s always a wow moment in between the crappy ones. So whatever happens just hold your head up and live Life Bindaas. I'll be here for you always, but just 9 years ahead.

Take care.
Loads of Love,
~S.

Live Life as it Comes...

Recently, happened to see the movie Premonition acted by Sandra Bullock. It’s all about her getting nightmares of her husband dying and when she comes to know that it was going to happen in real, the way she tries to stop them from happening. But everything ends in vain, as he dies despite all her efforts. But she realizes, thou she couldn’t change destiny, the tiny tot moments that we give ourselves and others were what matters than forever. And every second of life is a miracle.

There are times we wish we could change things that happened to us, turn around that clock atleast to a second so we could change all that might have destroyed us. Yes, I have thought the same for a long time. Even now at times. When I lost people to death or did something stupid or broke with friends because of sheer ego or broke that blue vase mom loved so much, I might have prayed like umpteenth times to God just to reverse time a little bit. So I could stop all this from happening. But even when I prayed so, the next thought was what’s going to happen to the rest of the world if the clock actually turned around? I wanted my death ones to come alive, but was it going to happen for others too? What about the babies born that minute? Will they go back to the womb? Shit! I cannot even imagine that, but still I want the impossible to happen.

We never know why some things happen to us. Why we fail in spite of our hard work?  Why we couldn’t touch our dreams even when we gave the best? Why we turn unlucky in a relation even when we did everything to make it work? Why people die when we are not ready to lose them? So much of whys’ and so little answers.

Some things are way beyond explanations and far beyond our understandings.

Almost a year back, got a FB friend request from a person I have seen in church. The only reason I accepted the request was it would be rude to ignore, as I was to see him every week. However, today I could say he’s one friend I become close so easily and the way we irritate each other is insane. And at the end of every conversation we ask each other religiously “Are we friends just to eat up each others’ brain?” And every time our answer will be Karma or Destiny! Ok. Now that was a bad example to quote for something like this. Still he was the first person who came to my mind while writing this.

Likewise, some questions are to be answered just by these forces. Maybe there are right in what they are doing, maybe wrong. But there’s no way we are going to find out… so just leave everything as it is… and live life miraculously with a smile for everyone and yourself. That's my two cents' worth and something I strongly believe.