What is it I really want to say?

Every night after a long tiring or a lazy day,

When I curl up in bed, I miss you.

That’s the only time I allow myself to slow down, or gives a minute to think

The only time I allow myself to be free from anything else.

Then and there at that moment,

When my brain and mind slows down,

You suddenly walk into my memory… slowly but surely

As if you were waiting for me to just look

And all of a sudden

I get this sudden unquenchable urge to talk to you

To share with you all my day’s happenings

To tell you this and that

Thou it’s just a never-going-to-happen wish,

I still hope for the same

Then there are days

I just want to have a glimpse of you

A second of your time to talk to you for one last time

But… If was given that chance

What is it I really want to say?

I miss you? I wish you were here?

Or I wish we hadn't met?

Or just stare at your face? …

I wonder…

I wonder… what is it I really want to say when I see you…? 

***

P.S. No! Not a poem… just a prose which was broken down to small fragments. 

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This was written for 

Then and Now...

10 years ago, I never for once thought at 25 this is how my life will be. At 15 when life looked so hopeful, filled with so much of promises, added with confidence and anything to do attitude, I thought, Yes! This is life. No tears, worries, losses, or anything bad. Then, it was all about aiming for the stars.

But down the lane, when I started to grow, I encountered everything. From good to best, bad to worse, flickering heart to heart break. There were days when I lost the love I had for life. When you lose the strive for happiness, you leave your dreams aside, thinking dreaming less will help you settle for less and leaves you happy. But that was my first and biggest mistake! It took time to realize that it was my dreams that gave me confidence to smile, to be talkative, jovial and alive. When I left that urge to dream to someone else, I became just another body which was just breathing but not living. But now at 25, I know that living is all about making your dreams come true and reaching for those stars. Thou it’s going to take twice the time to reach there now, been an over-confident-female, I know I’ll touch those untouchable stars.

At 15, if someone said that I might find a good friend in a stranger, I would have laughed out loud and dismissed the very thought. But today, I embrace the fact and believe in that. You can be friends with a person in a wink. There need not be a history or a future. Just, the present matters and the connection you feel for that one. You can open up more comfortably to a stranger than to an old friend. You can find that life-long-friendship in a person sitting next to you in a metro. You can have that unspoken-unwritten-good-or-bad-I’m-there-treaty of friendship with a person you just met in FB. You can tell your deepest fear or closest secret to that person you always knew existed but just got a chance to talk. You can find a typical weirdo like you in that comment section of your blog all of a sudden.

Life always, always brings so many people into our life for reasons or no reasons that can be explained only by life itself. And sometimes we may wonder how we survived before them. But there’s a time for everything. Like the verse says… For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under Heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest (Bible, Ecclesiastes 3). Likewise, a time for every people and every dream.

At 15, I thought life was so happy and colorful like a rainbow. But now I realize, life indeed is a rainbow, and the different colors portray the different emotions in life. And now at this moment, I may not be where I wanted to be... I may not be happy with all the decisions I took in life... I may not be having the job I dreamed of or the people I thought will be there... But now I know life is all about experiences, doing mistakes, letting go, extending one hand to shake hands with new people yet holding the other one with people from your yesterdays, dreaming about the stars and living the untold journey. And I am happy doing that. 

Happy 2015!

Officially 2015 is here. And that draws to an end to 12 months. As every year, this one was also filled with its ups n downs, smiles n tears, hopes n despair, gain n loss, hard work n laziness. There were days I felt like time was standing still, that nothing new was happening to inspire me. Or days I felt time was not enough. Or days I missed my hometown and close ones so much. Or days when they all felt so near even when they were so far. 

Each day, each moment something or the other is happening in our life, or in the life of someone we knew. And each one is inevitable. As each years pass, you get close to some people, you lose some, you meet someone new, you dream more, become more confident in yourself and start loving been you. Life is all about been happy and making others happy. Thank you to each one you who made me smile and sorry to those people who lost a smile because of me.

May 2015 come with so much of blessings, happiness, dreams, hopes and life to all of us. God bless. 

Adieu 2014 n Welcome 2015. 

Cheers!!!