Then and Now...

10 years ago, I never for once thought at 25 this is how my life will be. At 15 when life looked so hopeful, filled with so much of promises, added with confidence and anything to do attitude, I thought, Yes! This is life. No tears, worries, losses, or anything bad. Then, it was all about aiming for the stars.

But down the lane, when I started to grow, I encountered everything. From good to best, bad to worse, flickering heart to heart break. There were days when I lost the love I had for life. When you lose the strive for happiness, you leave your dreams aside, thinking dreaming less will help you settle for less and leaves you happy. But that was my first and biggest mistake! It took time to realize that it was my dreams that gave me confidence to smile, to be talkative, jovial and alive. When I left that urge to dream to someone else, I became just another body which was just breathing but not living. But now at 25, I know that living is all about making your dreams come true and reaching for those stars. Thou it’s going to take twice the time to reach there now, been an over-confident-female, I know I’ll touch those untouchable stars.

At 15, if someone said that I might find a good friend in a stranger, I would have laughed out loud and dismissed the very thought. But today, I embrace the fact and believe in that. You can be friends with a person in a wink. There need not be a history or a future. Just, the present matters and the connection you feel for that one. You can open up more comfortably to a stranger than to an old friend. You can find that life-long-friendship in a person sitting next to you in a metro. You can have that unspoken-unwritten-good-or-bad-I’m-there-treaty of friendship with a person you just met in FB. You can tell your deepest fear or closest secret to that person you always knew existed but just got a chance to talk. You can find a typical weirdo like you in that comment section of your blog all of a sudden.

Life always, always brings so many people into our life for reasons or no reasons that can be explained only by life itself. And sometimes we may wonder how we survived before them. But there’s a time for everything. Like the verse says… For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under Heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest (Bible, Ecclesiastes 3). Likewise, a time for every people and every dream.

At 15, I thought life was so happy and colorful like a rainbow. But now I realize, life indeed is a rainbow, and the different colors portray the different emotions in life. And now at this moment, I may not be where I wanted to be... I may not be happy with all the decisions I took in life... I may not be having the job I dreamed of or the people I thought will be there... But now I know life is all about experiences, doing mistakes, letting go, extending one hand to shake hands with new people yet holding the other one with people from your yesterdays, dreaming about the stars and living the untold journey. And I am happy doing that. 

Ramblings

It's been days since I wrote something here. Everyday I open up this space of mine, feel proud of myself for this, then when I move towards the 'New Post' page I just stare at the screen and the blinking cursor ready to move in accordance with my words. Time flies... but nothing... absolutely no words, no verses, nothing comes. Failed and tired, I just close the whole tab and shuts down my laptop.

The days were hectic and tired. Emotionally. Everything seemed to be disturbing or wrong. Many were misunderstood, many were read incorrectly, many were hurt and sad. Was away for a couple of days and it was entirely different from my usual breaks. Never had the usual hangouts, celebs, noises or anything. Was a silent getaway from the crowd and that silence is still prevailing very loudly somewhere in me.

Uncertainty in life certainly makes a person think wider, broader and analyse oneself more closely to see his own words and deeds. I wished I had followed my heart in the past rather than the crowd. I wished I had the courage to face the not so good scenes. And in between I was entitled a fine of QR 500 for using mobile while driving. Crap! And at this point when the money rate has been rocketing like never before. And the funniest part is the way a police car came out of nowhere just to fine me. Dad and Mom still doesn't know that I was fined for mobile usage. Courtesy my speed! Yeah,  I know am a lousy driver. Big Deal!

And last days I was kinda practicing social hibernation! And very soon all my friends are gonna kick me dead. Saw Chennai Express and I was actually sad that I didn't enjoy the Block office hit that much. The only highlight was seeing SRK onscreen for straight two hours. One of my bestie is gonna throw away her bachelorette title and is gonna be Mrs in 10 days and I'll miss everything.

Is life all about missed occasions, opportunities, relations and uncertainties? Or is it the never ending thought process of mankind making these normal scenarios of everyday life exaggerated? I wish I had the capability to see the tomorrows.

P.S. I know all these doesn't make any sense or syn with each other. But at the moment this is how I feel. Completely disorientated mind!

P.S.S. Just some random ramblings to fill up the vacuum here.

God Blez all the randomness in Us.

Day 1 - The Story of My Life.

This post is part of Blog Everyday in May!

Day 1, Wednesday: The story of your life in 250 words or less (or one paragraph... no one will be counting your words... probably)

I am a Daughter. Grandchild.  Sister.  Niece.  Aunt.  Friend.

Born as a second child to my parents. Have an elder sister and a younger brother. I had a very good childhood. My school days were in one of the best schools. College days were also good with some bunch of friends and some hectic schedules. Been in these places made me what I am today. Stubborn, independent, responsible and also irresponsible, bold and ready to face life. 

Till last year I was in Kerala, India with my Mom and siblings. And now shifted to Doha, Middle East with family, coz it’s here were my father is working. And don’t know whether I’ll be here for short or long.

Till date, life was good even when it had its ups n downs. Met so many people, became friends with many, got some not so friendly people too. Saw birth and death. Learned to laugh and smile. Wanted to do majors in English and Psychology but ended up doing in Electrical Engineering. 

Obsessed with books. Addicted to coffee and chocolates. In love with all kinds of Shoes. Loved scribbling down my thoughts in the back pages of notebooks, then upgraded to journal and now both in journals and blog. Safe keeper of memories in the form of photographs, letters and journals.

This is me in a Nut shell. 

"I know a girl made of memories and phrases, liver her whole life in chapters and phases..." - Jimmy Buffett

God Blez.