Life is about living not fearing...

I have always thought, I was never afraid of  anything. I was am a tomboy who is ready to try anything new or different. I am not afraid of heights or darkness. I never had stage fright or meeting new people. I was not afraid of exams thou when results are to be announced I could feel my butterflies waking from their sleep in my tummy. But that’s normal! Years of boarding life, made me love hostel life, so no fear in moving away from family too. I love speed and no amounts of accidents, or bruised knees or arms could keep me away from riding my two-wheeler or car. I thought I was scared of cockroaches, but 12^th grade Biology practical’s forced me to catch them alive, drug them and dissect them. And to my horror I was good in that and I loved doing that! So there ended my cockroach fear too.

Pic Credits: Google Images

So there I was living gloriously thinking that I don’t have fear for anything. But that came to end when I realized that I was afraid to get hurt emotionally. When life is going very happily and eventfully with friends and close ones as any other normal college going girl, with a pinch of “everything is perfect no one can make it imperfect attitude”, I lost a dear friend of my in an accident. And that was a blow to my arrogance. That made me conscious that life is not predictable. Anything can happen to you, me or the person next door. His going away, made me realize that I, who thought was not afraid of anything, was actually dreading his absence. I was not ready to accept the person who was with you this moment would never be visible again. I couldn’t accept that he won’t be there when we organize a reunion after 10 years. I took that fact so deeply and started to withdraw from everyone. I was in an impression that, if you’re not close to anyone, no one can hurt you. I literally closed down myself, and kept everyone at a safe distance.

Like someone said, God always have his own ways to do something, and that will be weirdest way ever. When I thought no one or nothing could hurt me if I stayed away from people, God proved me wrong in the most unacceptable way. I lost yet another friend of mine to death. And that was one hard blow to my head. I was hurt like before. Maybe more, thinking that I could have made much more memories with this one, if only I had permitted myself. When we buried him, I buried my stay-away-stay-happy attitude too. Now I know, no matter what you do, no matter how you live your life, people come and go in your life. Some are just meant to stay for a while, and some for long. However, when each person leaves you by choice or by chance, you will feel sad or deeply hurt. And you’ll definitely miss that person. But if you chose to live the time you had with that one happily, making memories and do what you want, then you are making yourself and the other person happy too.

Today I am not afraid of losing people, because I know when they move away from my life, I have given them some memories of “us” to take with them. That thought itself, makes me happy today. Like they say "Dhar ke aage jeet hai" .... and happiness too. 

   Pic Credits: Google Images

This post is written for  Indiblogger's prompt "Rise Above Fear"  By Mountain Dew. 
#RiseAboveFear

Forgotten Memories

Memories are the gifts we earn from our life. They have an ability to make us cry and smile at any time of the day or night. Thou we keep telling people to live in the present rather than pondering the past, all of us, absolutely all of us, at some time or the other, switched off all the sound and craziness of our present day and just flipped back to our older moments. That moment which made us smile, or cry or feel special, loved or that moment of grief… Anything and everything that happens in our life is been recorded by our mind. And we knowingly or unknowingly chose to forget some, ignore some, and block the rest.

I don’t remember the day I was born, but I have no doubt it’s been deeply engraved in my Mom’s mind. I don’t remember my first day of school, but my Dad might never forget that. I remember my first friend, even thou I have no idea where he is now. I remember the pampering from my Dad, thou I tend to ignore my Mom’s scoldings. I remember the day when Dad said goodbye when he dropped me in boarding school for the first time. I could still hear my Mom’s voice over the phone telling that I am going to be a sister. I still flinch in pain from the burned skin I got while ironing my friend’s dress but lying to her when she asked what happened because I didn't want her to feel bad. That naughtiness when friends decided to make maggi in the dressing room when our warden went out. I would still feel tense thinking about my first boards. The embarrassment I felt after wearing the saree for the first time for farewell.  I remember the day before the boards results were to be announced asking Dad, whether it was OK if I failed and feeling happy the next day to see my Dad proud after the results came. Can picture the first day of college so perfectly. First bunch of friends. Still can feel the butterflies in my stomach when I saw my crush for the first time… Ufff! I wanted to just turn around and walk. But still put on a brave face and talked to him. Feels the same emotions over and over again when I think about the moment I heard the death of a friend. The numbness when had to see his lifeless body. The proud satisfaction after completing an event successfully with friends. The lost moment when left hometown. The happiness to touch its ground on vacations… The sheer bliss when I step into my childhood room after years.

All these are just mere moments of everyday life. But it is my life. They made me who I am today. If I am bold, moments in my past made me so. If I am sensitive, I had faced some hard paths. If I am jovial, there were moments of laughter in my past. If I am a caring person, I was cared before and want to reciprocate that to others. If I love to travel, I have discovered the happiness of exploring in my yesterdays. If I have so many friends, I enjoyed having people around. If I chose to have few friends, then I might had some bitter experience in friendship. 

I believe that everything we are in this moment is because of what we were till the previous moment and how each incidents and people in our life have affected us. "Let it go" is just a way of storing that memory at the farthest place… but still it’s stored but not deleted. 

I guess or rather believe no one can actually forget their memories, unless and until a memory itself wants to be forgotten. Like the writer, Haruki Murakami quoted, "No matter how much suffering you went through, you never wanted to let go of those memories."

Open up yourself before returning back.

An old woman died after living a full life. So when it was time to engrave a wording about her life on her gave, no one knew what to write. Thou she lived a full time, she didn’t do anything much. So an elder person in that group suggested a quote, which everyone agreed wholeheartedly. And that was, “Returned Unopened.” 

One day when we die, do we want others to even consider thinking like this about us? Personally, no. I wish to be that person who could leave this world, making a difference to atleast one. It can be my family, kids or a complete stranger. I have seen people near and far pass away. And I have seen some people been remembered even after years of their demise and some forgotten after days. I don’t want my dear ones to cry when my time comes but I want them to miss me in a genuine way.

All of us are loaded with so much of goodness. Even the most horrible person will have something good in him. But usually we are so tuned into ourselves, everything that happens and anything we do revolve around our happiness and our good life. Not once, we look beside us to that individual who might need a shoulder to lean. Not once we notice well in a stranger before criticizing him. Not once we pay for a coffee for that homeless.

There’s only one more month to complete the book of 2014. Fill it up with gratitude, good deeds and happy moments, rather than complaints, whines and grudges. 

Happy December to all my dear friends. Stay blessed, happy and grateful for this moment.