Tuesday, March 18, 2014

I Don't ...


Sometimes I feel like I don't exist, life rushes around me. People exchange brief glances, gestures, and general acknowledgment while I seem to stand in the eye of the storm, unconnected and unaffected.

The wind blows hardest downhill as I walk up hill, but it passes right through me. My hands and feet feel numb, I glance to the ground to steady myself and I notice I'm not casting a shadow.

The skies are usually dark in grim times, storm clouds lingering overhead and they say "when it rains it pours". So I chant that old lyric 'let it rain down on me...'

It's funny or at least a little odd the way clouds can filter the colors of leaves and even flowers. Dark romantic hues color the world around me and a nearby cast iron fence frames a garden like an oil painting, but I stand grey.

They don't see me because I am not there, I was never born...but merely, imagined. I am who 'she' would be had she not been disrupted, this makes me somehow important as measure for comparison. As an answer to an unasked question I float in the mist unrealized but not unwanted, never embraced but always cared for.

So a message to you from the world of what could or might have been...


"Hello, will you be staying long?"




26 comments :

  1. Sheethal....I sincerely hope that you aren't questioning your existence. We care...and want you to stay....

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    1. At times I do question my existence Sid.... that just keeps me sane ;)

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  2. This is haunting. I often feel the same way. I feel invisible. Sometimes I am glad that I am, and other times my soul rebels and wants more than anything to be noticed. This post is so deep and poignant. It struck a chord deep within me...because I can empathize. ♥

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    1. There are times when I want be just invisible... to sort out myself, to think properly.... somewhat like ME-time. Guess everyone needs such a time...

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  3. have one question for you are you haunted by depression some time .. because this kind of thought's come's to me usually when i feel low .. or perhaps i'm just thinking as a sonder !

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    1. I am addicted to insane mood swings.... and this is the by product of such times...

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    2. i tagged you for My Most Memorable Memento' Contest here believe in 'me'mento

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  4. Oh yes, being invisible and being only in your own company is a must for everybody! It is the best way to keep yourself going and sane too :)

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  5. I too feel it sometimes as if I'm invisible but I guess everyone feels it at a point of time.. Its a phase and just goes off with time!!

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    1. True Nibhz.... this is also a much needed phase of life... :)

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  6. I too feel invisible, not-mattering, insignificant at times, but I still think like a child and think something else. Just like thinking of someone else when you can't get an impossible crush out of your head.

    I am not writing much because I really don't have much at the moment :-)

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    1. Feeling invisible is ok... but getting out of the is also very important!

      Hope you get back your muse very soon... :)

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  7. We will stay long and U always exist around me even if we didnt meet :) good to see u after long

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  8. Hmmm invisible.. nope don't do that, don't go disappearing on us.

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    1. Nope.... never Tulika.... I'll be always around u guys ;)

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  9. Very existential post, Sheethal! Gave me goosebumps reading about your invisibility. And yet, I have to say, I can relate to that sensation of seeing everything pass me by while I stand still. Very eye-catching imagery you've used there.

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  10. In the rush, we sometimes don't feel that things are meaningful....but it does get better.

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  11. Don't question your existence sweetie!
    Poignant post.. but, you are not invisible.. you matter and of course there is a purpose to your being here :)
    hugs!

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