Courage Over Comfort

He turned the key and opened his door

Darkness and loneliness were awaiting him

It was not like this before some time

So many souls used to clue their eyes to the door

For him to appear after a day’s work

But now everything changed

He closed the door and let out a sigh

Neither sad nor sorry for anything

But just pride beaming in his eyes

He went inside his darkroom

Like a butterfly that breaks its cocoon

And flies out to freedom, he emerges out

In a red saree with bold lips and smoky eyes

And dangle earrings and gajra on her mane

Choosing courage over comfort

I’m participating in the Write Tribe Problogger October 2017 Blogging Challenge through October. #WriteBravely

Today’s Prompt – “You can choose courage, or you can choose comfort, but you cannot choose both.”

Adding this to #FridayReflections too

One last time ...

My heart skipped a beat seeing your face

It makes me blush from inside

It makes the butterflies in my tummy to do somersaults

It fulfills me with peace

It makes up for my longing

Gives me more reasons to smile.

But the wound on your forehead

It aches my heart

The pain you went through makes me miserable

To know that you were completely alone

When you looked out for a familiar face

It makes me sad.

Now as I stand near to you with bated breath

I wish you could look at me

Tell me that, everything is going to be alright

That it’s just a bad dream with a happy forever

If only, 

If only, you could just come out of that coffin and hug me.

One last time ….

I’m participating in the Write Tribe Problogger October 2017 Blogging Challenge through October. #WriteBravely

Today’s Prompt – “Bated Breath”

2017! Be Mine ...

2017!

It’s already a week into the New Year. And I honestly don’t know how I’ll describe last year. It has been really really long. It was not one of the worst, but yes, not the best. Some life changing decisions where taken, my blogging and reading took a backdrop, and my social circle got minimized yet some really close ones made sure to stay near, yet I had some of the best moments, like that beautiful sunrise in a new place.

As each year pass by, I recognize my inner strength, my zest for life, my aspiration for happiness and freedom. I realize that the more I try to move away from myself the more my inner Goddess pulls me in. 

So this year I aspire to be much more of myself.

This year  …

I seek more wisdom

More happiness

More words

More hope

More goodness

More strength

More peace

And more love. 

Linking this to BAR Wordy Wednesday. 

I love/hate you, Mom.

It’s said that a girl’s best friend is her Mom. But not for me.

"Mom, I love you." This is something I have never said to my mom. I think we Malayalis lack this expressing their love in words. Anyways I do. Only once I have wished my mom on her birthday in FB with a picture and an elaborate message. After that I thought, I will never ever say all this to my Mom in person, then why showing off? Then and there I stopped the FB PDA thing.

Growing up I was an NRI father's child. A small chunk of my childhood was in boarding and when I started my 10th; mom and siblings came to join me. From then us kids and mom were together. For me, Mom was always a strict Mom. Extremely strict! She would scold me like anything if I did something or if marks turned out to be low or if some teachers complained about me or if I didn't obey her words or such normal stuff. I was literally scared of her. I never said anything to her because I was scared of her reactions. It was known fact among my family that my favorite parent is my Dad. Because he never said No to me. Never raised his hands against or even scolded me. So obviously he will be my favorite. I can't remember the number of times I have written: "I hate you mom" in my diaries and scribbled it and then tore it off too. I even started my blog only because mom read my dairies and even questioned regarding the same. I was never friends or even close with my mom.

But as years passed I began to understand her. She was all alone with three kids with no family around to help. And obviously, she expected more from me since I’m the eldest. Though not all the actions and reactions were justifiable for me, most of them were. Because the way she used to yell and be angry at me made me hate her so much and kept away from her. And actually whatever stupid things I did in life was because of that.

I know my Mom loved me the most. But that realization hit me in my mid-20s. She gave me so much of freedom, trusted me like no one else. The person I’m today is all because of her. I’m so much like her. Independent, stubborn, emotional, sensitive, hyper and don’t even ask me about the way I yell when my temper tips off.

We never understand our family when we’re young. Whatever they do and say turns out to be wrong for us then and even now at times. Maybe they’re not fully right. But they always wanted the best for us. When I was going through a hell-of-a-time, when literally everyone around me misunderstood me, only my Mom was with me. No matter what, at the end of the day they are with us, even if we want or not.

I love her. I hate her. Ultimately I love her. It just goes on and off. And I believe that’s how beautifully messy a Mother-Daughter relation can be. And today I am proud of that. 

P.S. This post is inspired by Rekha's latest post. Thanks to her.  Do check out her post. 

To You ...

Hey,

You know something? That life is really beautiful. It's a beautiful mess. I know it has been really hard for you (at least you think so). And you have been criticizing and pointing figures at yourself for long. Rather than appreciating your goodness, why you have to dig out the flaws and make it bigger than life itself?

Woman! You always push others forward. There's a word of positive for that friend of yours no matter what. Then why none of those for you? Why you have to compare yourself with whole world and tag as a failure? When you have the ability and confidence to rule your life as you like, why give up for some trivial matters.

Yes. Someone will be fairer/tanned than you. Slimmer/built than you. Someone else will be more educated or in a better position in their career. Another one will be having the perfect family. And there will another one who's more artistic or talented or influential or sophisticated than you. But, there's none like you! 

There's just a single you in this world.

I know everything may not look good now. You'll be struggling to breathe each moment with the burden on your shoulders. But, I promise ... This is just momentary. This will pass on. And you'll be proud of yourself tomorrow for not giving up today.

So stay strong for yourself. Always

Love.

Linking this to BAR-A-THON by Blog-A-Rhythm Day 7 Prompt – Promise (to yourself/someone else)

Fighter

It has been six months and still I cannot seem to get her image out of my head.

No matter how much I try, her face keep dancing in front of my eyes.

I just had her in front of my eyes for few years, yet her smile, touch, smell, the softness of her skin, her innocence the sparkle in her eyes everything have made an everlasting impact on me.

That day, while throwing that handful of sand onto her small coffin I understood, even thou she had a fragile live as they warned me ... She was a fighter.

Linking this to BAR-A-THON by Blog-A-Rhythm Day 3 Prompt – Fragile Lives

S for ... #AtoZChallenge2016

“She …”

Strong yet soft at heart

Opinionated yet gives ears to others

Demanding yet understanding

Stubborn yet caring

Bold yet loving

Independent yet dependent on others happiness

Living her life yet for her people

She’s one among us

She’s all of us Women. 

K for ... #AtoZChallenge2016

"Kaleidoscope of Life"

Dear Ma, 

Did you notice me gone? Or you still in the assumption I'm at work?

I didn't want to do this. But somehow through the years I got tired of trying to please you. I know you loved me. Your world revolved me. And I loved you too. Even now! But sometimes love is not just enough. People need their dreams and happiness too to move forward. I was unhappy for long. I waited for you to figure it out, but somehow you never did.

What we both wanted out of my life was poles apart. When I wanted to travel for a living you wanted me to live my life in a cubicle. When I wanted to enjoy the bachelorette life for some time, you decided it was time for me to settle down. When I said I wanted to marry that boy, you figured out he was not good for my secure future. Somehow everything I wanted was not good enough for you. You were always concerned about my secured future but never about my happiness. Why my happiness were never your priority?

When you decided to take each decisions of my life according to your will, you were changing the kaleidoscope of my life from colorful to gray to dark. I thought it might rotate itself to show more colors again. But no. You made sure it didn’t.

I can’t take it anymore. If I stay here for long, I might lose myself forever to some dark ditch from where I might never come back. I am going. Going to live my life atlast. Going behind my passion. Going chasing my dreams and rotating the kaleidoscope of my own life back to its true colors. I need that Ma. I seriously need to get away from your loving clutches. 

Hope you’ll understand me.

Take care of yourself. 

Yours Daughter.